It's funny how you end up doing things you said you'd never do.
When we started considering adoption, I very much wanted to adopt from Haiti. It was the only country I felt led toward adopting from.
But, then I began to learn about how painful it is to adopt from Haiti. How it takes, on average, 2.5 years to complete the process, how most of the children have birth parents who are alive and simply can't provide for them, and how difficult the process is because of lack of communication and other issues third world countries experience. And I made the decision we would not adopt from Haiti.
I wanted something simpler. More concrete.
It took us almost 4 months to make the decision to adopt. March 3, 2012 we decided to move forward, but we hadn't decided on where to adopt from yet. My husband had a mission trip to the Dominican Republic planned for later that month and we felt like we had to wait until after that trip to decide. We went to this website to see what countries we qualified for and we started narrowing them down. Surprisingly, there were many countries that were automatically knocked out because our family didn't meet their rules.
We narrowed it down to 6 countries - Ethiopia, Bulgaria, India, United States, Congo and China. And we decided to fast (give up something and spend concentrated time in prayer in place of that something). Handsome fasted American food while he was in the DR. I fasted dessert. It was painful. :)
During his trip to the DR, Husband met a sweet boy who had been abandoned by his mother, in a Haitian refugee camp. We longed to adopt him and started doing our research. We quickly learned, however, that it was completely impossible to adopt him. We were heartbroken.
Through that experience and what we learned in it, we decided to eliminate all countries except Congo. And we added in Haiti.
I kept pushing for Congo. I searched and searched for blogs for people who had adopted from the Congo. We couldn't find anyone who would answer our emails. We couldn't join any forums. It was just impossible to find information. We called a couple of agencies, but you know when people tell you things in one conversation and then say something different in other conversations? Well....that.
After a couple of weeks of indecisiveness, we decided to fast again.
A year ago today, I was sitting at my desk in our office and Husband came in from work, looked at me and said, simply, "Haiti."
Haiti.
April 4, 2012 it was decided. Since then, we have been matched with a little boy in Haiti. We have met that little boy and we absolutely love him.
The reasons I didn't want to adopt from Haiti still exist. We have been in this step of our adoption (IBESR) for nearly 7 months. I thought that when we got to this part I would feel excited because we had gotten this far. Instead, it seems the longer we keep going, the longer it feels like it's going to take. But, I am grateful we are adopting from Haiti and I'm finding beauty in it, even though I'm living through the very reasons I didn't want to adopt from there in the first place. And Haiti is where our Little Guy is; I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.
Showing posts with label waiting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label waiting. Show all posts
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Dear Little Guy
I'm writing this publicly, I suppose, so you can see a glimpse of our hearts and what adopting our Little Guy feels like to me.....
Dear Little Guy,
As the time approaches to meet you I am filled with anticipation and excitement. I wonder what it will be like. What will it be like to catch our first glimpse of you as they bring you out to us? What will it be like to kiss your head? What will your face feel like? How long will your fingers be? What will you sound like?
This week we received 2 more pictures of you. The one picture was of you sleeping and I wasn't sure it was you. I had to zoom in to your picture to look at your fingers and compare them with our other pictures to know for sure. You have an umbilical hernia. I think that's okay, but it left me with some worry. The other picture was of you in a bouncy seat. It was just of your chest up, but you were clearly not happy. Sucking your thumb, eyebrows furrowed, other hand open and behind your head. You wanted OUT of that thing and I wish I could have reached through and picked you up out of that chair. I can't wait to be the one to comfort and take care of you. I can't wait for you to know that you will be picked up and not be set aside because there are 20 other kids in the same room to take care of. I can't wait to just be with and take care of you for a week - and then beyond.
At the same time, I wonder how you will feel about us.
Will we have brought the right sized clothes? Will you be afraid of us? Will you sleep? Will you understand anything during our time together? How will you feel about us leaving you? Will that hurt you?
So many questions and I am left to simply wonder about them for now. But, we are doing things to get ready.
I made you a book this week called, "All About My Family". In it I basically introduce you to us - our family, our home, our interests. And I try to communicate to you how very much you are wanted.
Mr. Man can't wait to have another boy in the house to play with.
Girly Girl can't wait to color with and draw with you.
Little Miss can't wait to teach you and take care of you.
We all love you so much already. I'm worried about Little Miss because she keeps thinking we are going to go to Haiti to bring you home. How I wish that were true! I am trying to communicate to her that we are visiting you and that we would bring you home if we could, but we just can't right now. I'm hoping there will be a way for you to interact all together while we're with you.
Just a few more weeks until we get to see your sweet face in person. We are beyond blessed to have this privilege.
Love,
Mommy
Dear Little Guy,
As the time approaches to meet you I am filled with anticipation and excitement. I wonder what it will be like. What will it be like to catch our first glimpse of you as they bring you out to us? What will it be like to kiss your head? What will your face feel like? How long will your fingers be? What will you sound like?
This week we received 2 more pictures of you. The one picture was of you sleeping and I wasn't sure it was you. I had to zoom in to your picture to look at your fingers and compare them with our other pictures to know for sure. You have an umbilical hernia. I think that's okay, but it left me with some worry. The other picture was of you in a bouncy seat. It was just of your chest up, but you were clearly not happy. Sucking your thumb, eyebrows furrowed, other hand open and behind your head. You wanted OUT of that thing and I wish I could have reached through and picked you up out of that chair. I can't wait to be the one to comfort and take care of you. I can't wait for you to know that you will be picked up and not be set aside because there are 20 other kids in the same room to take care of. I can't wait to just be with and take care of you for a week - and then beyond.
At the same time, I wonder how you will feel about us.
Will we have brought the right sized clothes? Will you be afraid of us? Will you sleep? Will you understand anything during our time together? How will you feel about us leaving you? Will that hurt you?
So many questions and I am left to simply wonder about them for now. But, we are doing things to get ready.
I made you a book this week called, "All About My Family". In it I basically introduce you to us - our family, our home, our interests. And I try to communicate to you how very much you are wanted.
Mr. Man can't wait to have another boy in the house to play with.
Girly Girl can't wait to color with and draw with you.
Little Miss can't wait to teach you and take care of you.
We all love you so much already. I'm worried about Little Miss because she keeps thinking we are going to go to Haiti to bring you home. How I wish that were true! I am trying to communicate to her that we are visiting you and that we would bring you home if we could, but we just can't right now. I'm hoping there will be a way for you to interact all together while we're with you.
Just a few more weeks until we get to see your sweet face in person. We are beyond blessed to have this privilege.
Love,
Mommy
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Adoption Update
That's kind of misleading because there is nothing to update.
We received word a few weeks ago that our dossier is still sitting in IBESR. It will be 4 months on the 14th. We were also told that when it leaves IBESR and goes to the President's desk, we should anticipate waiting 6 months for his signature before we will exit IBESR. And we should anticipate at least a year more of the "process" after our dossier exists IBESR. We're hoping we won't be any longer than 21 months from now, but I'm getting worried about that timeline.
Things feel fuzzy. And kind of like I'm in a river. There are times when the adoption doesn't cross my mind a whole lot. There are times it doesn't feel real at all. And then there are times when it simply aches. It all seems to go in waves.
It has amazed me how much our kiddos have encouraged my heart through the process. The girls tell everyone and their mothers about Little Guy, especially Girly Girl, who is sure Little Guy is going to get here exactly when her teacher is due with her baby. :) Mr. Man doesn't really say anything about him. To him, Little Guy is just a little boy in an orphanage in a third world country. It's not personal. But today I got a text from a mom of one of his friends who asked if we were adopting because her son told her Mr. Man had told him. Such a blessing that was to hear. And she was so encouraging. At this point just having someone mention it helps.
So, we keep waiting and I keep looking forward to the 14th of every month. The 14th is a landmark to me - each and every month. It signifies the anniversary of when we received our referral and the anniversary of when we entered IBESR. Every time we get to the 14th of a month I am grateful. We're almost to 4 months in to IBESR. Hopefully less than 1/3 of the way through this part of the process.
Please keep your prayers up for us and our Little Guy. We appreciate them!
We received word a few weeks ago that our dossier is still sitting in IBESR. It will be 4 months on the 14th. We were also told that when it leaves IBESR and goes to the President's desk, we should anticipate waiting 6 months for his signature before we will exit IBESR. And we should anticipate at least a year more of the "process" after our dossier exists IBESR. We're hoping we won't be any longer than 21 months from now, but I'm getting worried about that timeline.
Things feel fuzzy. And kind of like I'm in a river. There are times when the adoption doesn't cross my mind a whole lot. There are times it doesn't feel real at all. And then there are times when it simply aches. It all seems to go in waves.
It has amazed me how much our kiddos have encouraged my heart through the process. The girls tell everyone and their mothers about Little Guy, especially Girly Girl, who is sure Little Guy is going to get here exactly when her teacher is due with her baby. :) Mr. Man doesn't really say anything about him. To him, Little Guy is just a little boy in an orphanage in a third world country. It's not personal. But today I got a text from a mom of one of his friends who asked if we were adopting because her son told her Mr. Man had told him. Such a blessing that was to hear. And she was so encouraging. At this point just having someone mention it helps.
So, we keep waiting and I keep looking forward to the 14th of every month. The 14th is a landmark to me - each and every month. It signifies the anniversary of when we received our referral and the anniversary of when we entered IBESR. Every time we get to the 14th of a month I am grateful. We're almost to 4 months in to IBESR. Hopefully less than 1/3 of the way through this part of the process.
Please keep your prayers up for us and our Little Guy. We appreciate them!
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Maybe....
Last week I shared with you that I didn't think we were going to make the September 15 deadline when Haiti again stops taking dossiers.
Now it looks like that may not be exactly true.
Our dossier is there already. It was shipped on Friday - and it got to our orphanage yesterday. Man, this process makes me cry a lot! Today, the tears are happy and hopeful. That's a good thing!
Now our dossier goes through first legalization in Haiti, which should take a week or two. Once it comes out and Little Guy's dossier is finished they become one and go into IBESR. That's where we need to get before September 15.
It still seems next to impossible, but we're praying anyway. We have no idea how much of Little Guy's dossier has been finished or when it will be done. Please pray with us!!
Why is this a prayer request for us?
Thank you for being with us through this process, friends!
Now it looks like that may not be exactly true.
Our dossier is there already. It was shipped on Friday - and it got to our orphanage yesterday. Man, this process makes me cry a lot! Today, the tears are happy and hopeful. That's a good thing!
Now our dossier goes through first legalization in Haiti, which should take a week or two. Once it comes out and Little Guy's dossier is finished they become one and go into IBESR. That's where we need to get before September 15.
It still seems next to impossible, but we're praying anyway. We have no idea how much of Little Guy's dossier has been finished or when it will be done. Please pray with us!!
Why is this a prayer request for us?
- The sooner our file gets into IBESR, the sooner Little Guy gets to come home.
- It will save us $200, which would be awesome!
- We will still be able to work with our agency and orphanage, no matter what the new laws and changes are.
- We won't have to wait to see if IBESR opens back up on October 1. Last time they closed on April 24 and were reset to open on June 1, which became August 14.
- It would just be a huge relief for us.
Thank you for being with us through this process, friends!
Friday, August 31, 2012
Not Going To Make It
A few months ago I told you about all the changes happening in Haiti in regard to adoption. And how it seemed like we were on a deadline.
Well, IBESR did open back up on August 15. At the time they opened they said they would be open for 1 month and then close again. September 15 became our new deadline.
It seemed possible that we could make that deadline. Little Guy's dossier was almost done. Ours just had to go to the consulate and be mailed to Haiti for first legalization, whatever that is.
It's been 2 weeks and our dossier hasn't reached Haiti yet, which means we aren't going to make it. What does that mean? There are a lot of potentials, but we don't really know yet.
The government of Haiti says they will close on September 15 and re-open on October 1, implementing new laws. Supposedly they are only going to work with certain agencies, raise their fees and change some of the laws about the adoption process, including only allowing adoption of children over the age of 1 and not allowing the birth and adoptive parents to interact with one another. But we have to wait and see. Please pray with us as we wait. Waiting for something like this is so hard.
Our prayer requests.....
That's a pretty good start. :) Thank you, friends.
Well, IBESR did open back up on August 15. At the time they opened they said they would be open for 1 month and then close again. September 15 became our new deadline.
It seemed possible that we could make that deadline. Little Guy's dossier was almost done. Ours just had to go to the consulate and be mailed to Haiti for first legalization, whatever that is.
It's been 2 weeks and our dossier hasn't reached Haiti yet, which means we aren't going to make it. What does that mean? There are a lot of potentials, but we don't really know yet.
The government of Haiti says they will close on September 15 and re-open on October 1, implementing new laws. Supposedly they are only going to work with certain agencies, raise their fees and change some of the laws about the adoption process, including only allowing adoption of children over the age of 1 and not allowing the birth and adoptive parents to interact with one another. But we have to wait and see. Please pray with us as we wait. Waiting for something like this is so hard.
Our prayer requests.....
- For Little Guy to be safe and healthy.
- For our dossier to get to Haiti quickly and safely.
- For Haiti to accept our agency on it's list of agencies to work with.
- For our dossier to get into IBESR quickly.
That's a pretty good start. :) Thank you, friends.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Oh, So Dimly
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Why ask a God I'm unsure of for things that I want when I don't know how He'll answer. Perhaps He'll say no, or worse, seemingly take away that which I want, thereby clouding my view of Him as a loving, compassionate God even more. I'm not talking about houses and cars. I'm talking about something as "simple" as understanding His will.
Why ask an ever present, all holy God about things that I can't begin to understand or fathom.
God is confusing to me. I don't feel at all certain about how He feels about me because my experience of His love for me has always been contingent on my experience of His response, or lack thereof, to my prayers, instead of what the Bible says - what He says - is true.
I don't usually take comfort in the cloudy view I have of God. It's faded, distant and inaccurate.
And that's how I see Him in prayer.
The God I "see" is not ever going to be an accurate representation of what He's doing or who He is in my life.
I see orphans in Haiti and I wonder how God can watch them be abandoned and suffer. I see trafficking happen to 14 year old girls and I cringe at the thought that God isn't obviously stepping in. I see parents leaving behind children much too early, illness ravage children's bodies, parents lose children before they even got to know who they were.
And God becomes cloudier still.
But there is some comfort in knowing that I'm seeing things through a cloudy perspective. I know I am not seeing Him clearly and the perceptions I have of Him are not accurate either. They are at least as cloudy.
So like loving someone despite the feelings that do or don't exist, simply because you're committed to them, even if I don't feel safe trusting in Him today, I decide to do it anyway.
Because someday it will be clear. It will be as clear has He sees me even now. He sees me oh so clearly. He knows my heart. He knows what I need. He knows what you need. He SEES us. And He's got us in His hands.
"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." 1 Corinthians 13:12
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Confusing Prayers
Our part is done!!!! (We hope! :))
Our completed dossier has reached our agency and hopefully our application has reached immigration for our government.
We will learn in the next 9-11 business days if our dossier is indeed complete and right. I sure hope it is!
What's next?
We wait for our referral, or the match of our child with us. At some point we will receive a file of a child in one of the orphanages our agency works with and we'll be able to review it and make a decision.
It's been 3 months since we started the process and a little boy 2 and under has yet to reach either of the orpahanges.
What is confusing is what to do about that.
How do you pray for a little boy to arrive to an orphanage to be adopted out of his home country?
I can't do it.
Instead I've been praying for the right referral at the right time. That if there is a child who NEEDS to be adopted out, that he will find his way to one of the orphanages somehow.
Thank you for joining us in prayer right now! We'll keep you posted as to how things are going on our side as well as how things are looking in Haiti as more information becomes available.
Love,
Karyn
Our completed dossier has reached our agency and hopefully our application has reached immigration for our government.
We will learn in the next 9-11 business days if our dossier is indeed complete and right. I sure hope it is!
What's next?
We wait for our referral, or the match of our child with us. At some point we will receive a file of a child in one of the orphanages our agency works with and we'll be able to review it and make a decision.
It's been 3 months since we started the process and a little boy 2 and under has yet to reach either of the orpahanges.
What is confusing is what to do about that.
How do you pray for a little boy to arrive to an orphanage to be adopted out of his home country?
I can't do it.
Instead I've been praying for the right referral at the right time. That if there is a child who NEEDS to be adopted out, that he will find his way to one of the orphanages somehow.
Thank you for joining us in prayer right now! We'll keep you posted as to how things are going on our side as well as how things are looking in Haiti as more information becomes available.
Love,
Karyn
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
It Happened Again Today.....And IBESR Update
It happened again.
Something beyond coincidence.
I shared with you the story of our police clearances and psychiatric evaluation yesterday. Here are a couple things about yesterday that I didn't mention.
We started sending in our clearances and such the end of April. A couple of them hadn't reached us yet and I couldn't understand why. The day before our home study, I called to find out what was happening and it turned out our clearances were lost between approval and notarization. The man on the other end of the phone promised me he would send them out by last Friday or yesterday.
In the meantime I had applied for my passport and that hadn't come yet. Last week I received a letter saying my name was incorrect and I needed to have my license changed to reflect my name. What had taken weeks for me to accomplish when I needed to change my address on my license took less than an hour for the name change because it turns out you can go to the DMV and have it done while you wait! Husband sent it in that evening. I figured it would have gotten there sometime in the course of the next week.
Yesterday everything that was left arrived. And our mail came early.
Which is what prompted me to call our agency and find out if anything had changed in Haiti, which is when I started learning that MANY things were changing in Haiti.
Last night I started going through everything to make sure it was ready when the time came. I remembered that the notary wasn't quite right on my physical exam form. My physician personally had the form notarized in his free time with a lawyer's office (I thought) in the same plaza as his office. I called my doctor's office today to find out for sure though. They wouldn't let me leave a message for my doctor and said they couldn't help me. So, I drove down there. Lawyer's office was closed.
I marched all three kids into the next office building to find out where Edgar Snyder went! "Oh, they moved about a month ago. Why?" I explained the situation. Well, that particular person told me she had just received an email from a friend of hers that morning who had adopted and said how wonderful adoption. Then she told me she'd pray for me. I'll take it! She told me where they had moved. I called. "Nope. Never heard of the guy."
I googled the notary's name, looked in the phone book, looked in the directory of notaries. Couldn't find the guy anywhere. Out of frustration, I finally called the doctor's office again and got a different person. 10 minutes later, they were able to tell me that the notary was at a bank across town. Across town!! So, I called the bank to see if he was in before I drug the kids there. Here is what the woman said to me.....
"Well, its a good thing you called today because he is here for a half day tomorrow and then he's retiring."
WHAT?????? I caught the guy with less than a day's work left. Can you believe that?
Act of God? That's what I'm calling it!
I needed that today.
So, update.....
The Senate did ratify yesterday. I'm not sure what that means yet. We haven't heard anything from our agency today. From what it sounds like there is a window of about 3 months. For us, about 7 months of work has to happen in that three month window, so I'm continuing to ask for your prayers in this - that His will would be done and we would walk in it. Thank you so much for being a part of this journey with us.
Love,
Karyn
Something beyond coincidence.
I shared with you the story of our police clearances and psychiatric evaluation yesterday. Here are a couple things about yesterday that I didn't mention.
We started sending in our clearances and such the end of April. A couple of them hadn't reached us yet and I couldn't understand why. The day before our home study, I called to find out what was happening and it turned out our clearances were lost between approval and notarization. The man on the other end of the phone promised me he would send them out by last Friday or yesterday.
In the meantime I had applied for my passport and that hadn't come yet. Last week I received a letter saying my name was incorrect and I needed to have my license changed to reflect my name. What had taken weeks for me to accomplish when I needed to change my address on my license took less than an hour for the name change because it turns out you can go to the DMV and have it done while you wait! Husband sent it in that evening. I figured it would have gotten there sometime in the course of the next week.
Yesterday everything that was left arrived. And our mail came early.
Which is what prompted me to call our agency and find out if anything had changed in Haiti, which is when I started learning that MANY things were changing in Haiti.
Last night I started going through everything to make sure it was ready when the time came. I remembered that the notary wasn't quite right on my physical exam form. My physician personally had the form notarized in his free time with a lawyer's office (I thought) in the same plaza as his office. I called my doctor's office today to find out for sure though. They wouldn't let me leave a message for my doctor and said they couldn't help me. So, I drove down there. Lawyer's office was closed.
I marched all three kids into the next office building to find out where Edgar Snyder went! "Oh, they moved about a month ago. Why?" I explained the situation. Well, that particular person told me she had just received an email from a friend of hers that morning who had adopted and said how wonderful adoption. Then she told me she'd pray for me. I'll take it! She told me where they had moved. I called. "Nope. Never heard of the guy."
I googled the notary's name, looked in the phone book, looked in the directory of notaries. Couldn't find the guy anywhere. Out of frustration, I finally called the doctor's office again and got a different person. 10 minutes later, they were able to tell me that the notary was at a bank across town. Across town!! So, I called the bank to see if he was in before I drug the kids there. Here is what the woman said to me.....
"Well, its a good thing you called today because he is here for a half day tomorrow and then he's retiring."
WHAT?????? I caught the guy with less than a day's work left. Can you believe that?
Act of God? That's what I'm calling it!
I needed that today.
So, update.....
The Senate did ratify yesterday. I'm not sure what that means yet. We haven't heard anything from our agency today. From what it sounds like there is a window of about 3 months. For us, about 7 months of work has to happen in that three month window, so I'm continuing to ask for your prayers in this - that His will would be done and we would walk in it. Thank you so much for being a part of this journey with us.
Love,
Karyn
Monday, June 11, 2012
The Fears and Blessings of Adoption
A couple of weeks after we mailed our application and first fee to our adoption agency Haiti stopped accepting dossiers until June 1. That changed to July 20 in a week. Today I heard that August 1 is the new date.
I hadn't heard that from our agency, so I started researching what was happening with IBESR and learned that the Senate in Haiti may ratify the Hague Convention Agreement today. For the children of Haiti, that is good and bad. It's good because that means the adoption process will be ethical and safe when all the policies are in place. It's bad because ratification usually results in stopping adoptions altogether until the country is in complete agreement with the Hague Convention standards. It took the United States 15 years to accomplish that.
Obviously my heart is wondering if that means that our fears clear back in April are going to come true after all.
Our agency told us to go ahead and compile our dossier, which we have done. When I called today to ask if we should stop they said to keep going.
We have 2 steps left.
Our first home study visit happened last week. Our last home study visit will be in a week. We are less than 24 hours from having all the papers we need to have completed done - and notarized. All we have left is to get the home study report and have all of our notarized documents certified. We're still about 6 weeks away from being finished, but we're close.
So, here's the potential timeline.....
Our goal is to have our dossier mailed to our agency by mid-July (1 month). It will take 1-3 months to receive a referral, at least and then 1-3 months to have our child's file completed. At that time our files will join to one big file and enter IBESR. We're about 3-7 months away from being in what you might call the "safe zone". Usually, once countries ratify the Hague, dossiers already in process are grandfathered in and moved through. So our goal was to get into IBESR prior to the ratification process.
If the Senate does indeed ratify today, it will be 1-3 months (potentially) before adoptions will cease.
Here's what I don't get.......
We've had so many confirmations, both good and bad, about adopting.
Here's the biggest one yet.
Adoption is flipping expensive.
We are supposed to have a psychiatrist evaluation completed for our dossier. If we couldn't find a psychiatrist for whatever reason, it was okay to have a psychologist complete the evaluation instead. When we talked to a friend of ours, who is a psychologist, he basically said, "Good luck. Everyone is booked up for months. If you can find someone to do it, just get it done." So, I started making calls.
One psychiatrist told us it would cost us $300 for the evaluation and $400 for the letter. Another told us $300 for both. When we asked our friend who was "better", we were told that the second was a better psychiatrist, so to go with him. We scheduled.
The evaluation was scheduled to happen a couple of weeks ago. I was a nervous wreck about it because there are things about my life that are not pleasant to talk about and I was afraid of how those things would be looked at.
A friend of ours offered to watch Little Miss - for free - in the middle of the day - while we went to the evaluation.
We could NOT find a parking space and being good debit card customers, we didn't have any cash on us at all for meters, so we resigned ourselves to just have to pay for a parking ticket. As we walked to the office, we found a parking lot right next to the office building where we could park for free - for as long as we needed to.
The psychiatrist was the nicest guy. He was very normal! :) He asked pertinent and interesting questions about why we wanted to adopt - and why from Haiti. He found out all the crap I wasn't excited to share at all and was very empathetic and supportive. We spent about an hour with him.
He had asked how we wanted to pay when we first went in and we had said we wanted to just pay outright - that there was no medical need for the evaluation and that our insurance really had no need to pay for the evaluation because we were asking for the evaluation for solely personal purposes.
He finished the evaluation and completed the letter right in front of us.
When we went to leave we stopped at the desk to pay and he walked passed us and said, "No. There's no charge. Just.....good luck." Husband's jaw dropped, as did mine. We just stood there looking at him - in disbelief. We argued with him and offered to pay, again. We took up his time and valued that and wanted him to know. He wouldn't accept.
We got in the car, stunned. This man had just saved us hundreds of dollars.
Here's another one.
A couple of weeks before that we needed to get police clearances from our county. When I called, I spoke to a woman who took down all the information we needed for our letters. I asked her when she thought she might be finished with the letters, she said, "a couple of hours?" I called the woman who has offered to notarize all our documents to see if she could meet me there and she said, "How about 1:00?" Seriously? From the time I called until the time it was finished was a mere 4 hours. While Little Miss was in school.
It seems like within the last week, all the things we have been waiting on were finally getting to us. And all at the same time. It felt like things were coming together.
And then our news today.
I'm not sure what to think. If you think of us, please keep those prayers coming and we'll keep you posted.
Love,
Karyn
I hadn't heard that from our agency, so I started researching what was happening with IBESR and learned that the Senate in Haiti may ratify the Hague Convention Agreement today. For the children of Haiti, that is good and bad. It's good because that means the adoption process will be ethical and safe when all the policies are in place. It's bad because ratification usually results in stopping adoptions altogether until the country is in complete agreement with the Hague Convention standards. It took the United States 15 years to accomplish that.
Obviously my heart is wondering if that means that our fears clear back in April are going to come true after all.
Our agency told us to go ahead and compile our dossier, which we have done. When I called today to ask if we should stop they said to keep going.
We have 2 steps left.
Our first home study visit happened last week. Our last home study visit will be in a week. We are less than 24 hours from having all the papers we need to have completed done - and notarized. All we have left is to get the home study report and have all of our notarized documents certified. We're still about 6 weeks away from being finished, but we're close.
So, here's the potential timeline.....
Our goal is to have our dossier mailed to our agency by mid-July (1 month). It will take 1-3 months to receive a referral, at least and then 1-3 months to have our child's file completed. At that time our files will join to one big file and enter IBESR. We're about 3-7 months away from being in what you might call the "safe zone". Usually, once countries ratify the Hague, dossiers already in process are grandfathered in and moved through. So our goal was to get into IBESR prior to the ratification process.
If the Senate does indeed ratify today, it will be 1-3 months (potentially) before adoptions will cease.
Here's what I don't get.......
We've had so many confirmations, both good and bad, about adopting.
Here's the biggest one yet.
Adoption is flipping expensive.
We are supposed to have a psychiatrist evaluation completed for our dossier. If we couldn't find a psychiatrist for whatever reason, it was okay to have a psychologist complete the evaluation instead. When we talked to a friend of ours, who is a psychologist, he basically said, "Good luck. Everyone is booked up for months. If you can find someone to do it, just get it done." So, I started making calls.
One psychiatrist told us it would cost us $300 for the evaluation and $400 for the letter. Another told us $300 for both. When we asked our friend who was "better", we were told that the second was a better psychiatrist, so to go with him. We scheduled.
The evaluation was scheduled to happen a couple of weeks ago. I was a nervous wreck about it because there are things about my life that are not pleasant to talk about and I was afraid of how those things would be looked at.
A friend of ours offered to watch Little Miss - for free - in the middle of the day - while we went to the evaluation.
We could NOT find a parking space and being good debit card customers, we didn't have any cash on us at all for meters, so we resigned ourselves to just have to pay for a parking ticket. As we walked to the office, we found a parking lot right next to the office building where we could park for free - for as long as we needed to.
The psychiatrist was the nicest guy. He was very normal! :) He asked pertinent and interesting questions about why we wanted to adopt - and why from Haiti. He found out all the crap I wasn't excited to share at all and was very empathetic and supportive. We spent about an hour with him.
He had asked how we wanted to pay when we first went in and we had said we wanted to just pay outright - that there was no medical need for the evaluation and that our insurance really had no need to pay for the evaluation because we were asking for the evaluation for solely personal purposes.
He finished the evaluation and completed the letter right in front of us.
When we went to leave we stopped at the desk to pay and he walked passed us and said, "No. There's no charge. Just.....good luck." Husband's jaw dropped, as did mine. We just stood there looking at him - in disbelief. We argued with him and offered to pay, again. We took up his time and valued that and wanted him to know. He wouldn't accept.
We got in the car, stunned. This man had just saved us hundreds of dollars.
Here's another one.
A couple of weeks before that we needed to get police clearances from our county. When I called, I spoke to a woman who took down all the information we needed for our letters. I asked her when she thought she might be finished with the letters, she said, "a couple of hours?" I called the woman who has offered to notarize all our documents to see if she could meet me there and she said, "How about 1:00?" Seriously? From the time I called until the time it was finished was a mere 4 hours. While Little Miss was in school.
It seems like within the last week, all the things we have been waiting on were finally getting to us. And all at the same time. It felt like things were coming together.
And then our news today.
I'm not sure what to think. If you think of us, please keep those prayers coming and we'll keep you posted.
Love,
Karyn
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
On My Heart
I read somewhere that if your heart is aching during a particular time prior to receiving your referral, you should pay attention and pray even more.
A friend asked me last week how I was feeling about our adoption process. I told her I felt like I was "playing adoption" because it just didn't feel like it was real or ever going to happen. I don't know what happened, but just a couple of days later, our little boy started being heavy on my heart. I'm thinking of him a lot.
I read a story about how a woman was just aching one particular week as they were waiting for their referral. Months later they found out that was the very week their future child was taken into the orphanage.
I don't know if there is anything specific happening in our child's life right now, but I'm going to pray harder this week. This could be nothing, but it could be something. We'll see.
In other news, we're still moving forward. We have our first home study visit scheduled!! And Justin's birth certificate finally arrived! We think that within a couple of weeks we'll have our part completely done and will just need to wait on the home study to be finished, which will be a huge mile marker for us. So, we're working and praying.
Thank you, friends, for praying with us.
Love,
Karyn
A friend asked me last week how I was feeling about our adoption process. I told her I felt like I was "playing adoption" because it just didn't feel like it was real or ever going to happen. I don't know what happened, but just a couple of days later, our little boy started being heavy on my heart. I'm thinking of him a lot.
I read a story about how a woman was just aching one particular week as they were waiting for their referral. Months later they found out that was the very week their future child was taken into the orphanage.
I don't know if there is anything specific happening in our child's life right now, but I'm going to pray harder this week. This could be nothing, but it could be something. We'll see.
In other news, we're still moving forward. We have our first home study visit scheduled!! And Justin's birth certificate finally arrived! We think that within a couple of weeks we'll have our part completely done and will just need to wait on the home study to be finished, which will be a huge mile marker for us. So, we're working and praying.
Thank you, friends, for praying with us.
Love,
Karyn
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Prayers for Our Child
When we first started considering adoption, I thought of it in happy terms.
"There is a baby who needs a family. We want a baby." Happy.
But there's another side of this that I hadn't considered until I started reading 20 Things Adopted Children Wish Their Parents Knew.
The side of grief.
The child that we will adopt has been abandoned. Abandoned through death or poverty. He isn't about to go to an orphanage or in an orphanage right now for happy reasons. He is there because he has been given up because his parents couldn't afford to feed him or his parents have died. His parents could be doing the most loving and most brave thing in the world for him by placing him in an orphanage to be adopted to the United States, but it won't be happy or easy.
If my husband and I passed away right now, our children would technically be abandoned. But, we already know that they would go to a couple we love dearly who would take such good care of and love them.
But it wouldn't be happy for a while.
So, if you're praying for this child, as we are, please pray with us that he will know our Savior's love, when he is taken to the orphanage and as he is waiting for us, and that he will be able to embrace our love when the time comes.
"There is a baby who needs a family. We want a baby." Happy.
But there's another side of this that I hadn't considered until I started reading 20 Things Adopted Children Wish Their Parents Knew.
The side of grief.
The child that we will adopt has been abandoned. Abandoned through death or poverty. He isn't about to go to an orphanage or in an orphanage right now for happy reasons. He is there because he has been given up because his parents couldn't afford to feed him or his parents have died. His parents could be doing the most loving and most brave thing in the world for him by placing him in an orphanage to be adopted to the United States, but it won't be happy or easy.
If my husband and I passed away right now, our children would technically be abandoned. But, we already know that they would go to a couple we love dearly who would take such good care of and love them.
But it wouldn't be happy for a while.
So, if you're praying for this child, as we are, please pray with us that he will know our Savior's love, when he is taken to the orphanage and as he is waiting for us, and that he will be able to embrace our love when the time comes.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
It's The Little Things
Mr. Man writes in his questionnaire, "What I like about my family is that they love me."
When Little Miss takes her dance classes, she ALWAYS looks for me in the little windows as she dances past.
Girly Girl drew a picture and in the blank beside "soft things", she put "My Mom".
This is what I want our little boy we haven't even met yet to experience. To know he's in a safe place, loved, protected and knowing that someone is always watching out for him.
We hope to learn more about where we stand in terms of adopting from Haiti tomorrow. I'm ready.
When Little Miss takes her dance classes, she ALWAYS looks for me in the little windows as she dances past.
Girly Girl drew a picture and in the blank beside "soft things", she put "My Mom".
This is what I want our little boy we haven't even met yet to experience. To know he's in a safe place, loved, protected and knowing that someone is always watching out for him.
We hope to learn more about where we stand in terms of adopting from Haiti tomorrow. I'm ready.
Where Did My Strength Go?
You would think that after going through something really tough, that the resulting strength would carry you on to the next level.
I wish that was the case for me.
We found out last week Haiti is now not accepting new dossiers to until July 20. That changed from June 1 just a week ago. What's it going to be next week?
On our end, almost everything is done for our home study. We've requested nearly every clearance known to man. We've relived our past in the forms of autobiographies, statements and references. I even had the experience of calling the first place I rented an apartment looking for one of my previous addresses. I'm good with that.
But now we wait for other people to do their jobs. For our state capital to say we're not hardened criminals. For our home study agency to schedule our first visit. For IBESR to decide when and if they will accept new dossiers.
And I'm back to being scared again (although I'm not sure it exactly stopped). You know the saying, "That which doesn't kill you will only make you stronger"? Where did my strength go?
I think there is some kind of tolerance that comes with pain. When you're going through something really tough the little things aren't nearly as prominent as they once were in life. But, after each painful space of life, I've created my own "painproof" layer, a protective shield of sorts - trying to keep the painful out. That shield drastically reduces my tolerance to pain.
It is becoming more and more evident in my life that the painful needs to come back in and adoption is letting that pain and fear come in full force.
I would not have understood that at all prior to January.
One of my biggest concerns with adoption was that I would not feel like I was our adopted child's mother. I couldn't imagine how that feeling would come about in the same way or strength as it did with the children I gave birth to. But an experience in January changed that. Now this is a journey to our child. Even though he'll look nothing like me - not the same color of skin, not the same personality, not the same hair. Nothing will resemble me or Husband. Yet, this boy will be mine all the same. And so now every step in this process is personal and vulnerable for me. Just like each ultrasound and doctor's visit was with the children I gave birth to. We're in our first trimester. Doing tests and waiting for something more concrete - kicks, growth, something.
It is becoming clearer with each passing day that I destroyed the strength that may have resulted from any of my past experiences. I don't have it. But there is One who does. And I'm going to have to lean on Him for each step.
This is a personal, vulnerable journey and He is going to have to be my Sustainer. I'm going to have to trust that HE is true, His promises are true and He can be trusted. I have a lot of Bible reading to do, friends.
No Matter What Lyrics
I’m running back to Your promises, one more time
Lord that’s all I can hold on to
I’ve got to say this has taken me, by surprise
But nothing surprises You
Before a heartache, can ever touch my life
It has to go through Your hands
And even though I, I keep asking why I keep asking why
No matter what, I’m gonna love You
No matter what, I’m gonna need You
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain
But if not, if not - I’ll trust You
No matter what (no matter, no matter what, no matter)
No matter what (no matter, no matter what – no matter, no matter what)
When I’m stuck in this nothingness, by myself I’m just sitting in silence
There’s no way I can make it, without Your help
I won’t even try it
I know You have Your reasons, for everything
So I will keep believing
Whatever I might be feeling God You are my hope, and You’ll be my strength
Anything I don’t have, You can give it to me
But it’s OK if You don’t
I’m not here for those things
The touch of Your love is enough on its own
And no matter what, I still love You
And I’m gonna need You
No matter what, I’m gonna love You
No matter what, I’m gonna need You
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain
But if not, if not - I’ll trust You
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain
But if not, but if not, I’ll trust You
No matter what (no matter)
No matter what (no matter, no matter what)
No matter - no matter what (No matter - no matter what)
No matter - no matter what (No matter - no matter what)
No matter - no matter what
I wish that was the case for me.
We found out last week Haiti is now not accepting new dossiers to until July 20. That changed from June 1 just a week ago. What's it going to be next week?
On our end, almost everything is done for our home study. We've requested nearly every clearance known to man. We've relived our past in the forms of autobiographies, statements and references. I even had the experience of calling the first place I rented an apartment looking for one of my previous addresses. I'm good with that.
But now we wait for other people to do their jobs. For our state capital to say we're not hardened criminals. For our home study agency to schedule our first visit. For IBESR to decide when and if they will accept new dossiers.
And I'm back to being scared again (although I'm not sure it exactly stopped). You know the saying, "That which doesn't kill you will only make you stronger"? Where did my strength go?
I think there is some kind of tolerance that comes with pain. When you're going through something really tough the little things aren't nearly as prominent as they once were in life. But, after each painful space of life, I've created my own "painproof" layer, a protective shield of sorts - trying to keep the painful out. That shield drastically reduces my tolerance to pain.
It is becoming more and more evident in my life that the painful needs to come back in and adoption is letting that pain and fear come in full force.
I would not have understood that at all prior to January.
One of my biggest concerns with adoption was that I would not feel like I was our adopted child's mother. I couldn't imagine how that feeling would come about in the same way or strength as it did with the children I gave birth to. But an experience in January changed that. Now this is a journey to our child. Even though he'll look nothing like me - not the same color of skin, not the same personality, not the same hair. Nothing will resemble me or Husband. Yet, this boy will be mine all the same. And so now every step in this process is personal and vulnerable for me. Just like each ultrasound and doctor's visit was with the children I gave birth to. We're in our first trimester. Doing tests and waiting for something more concrete - kicks, growth, something.
It is becoming clearer with each passing day that I destroyed the strength that may have resulted from any of my past experiences. I don't have it. But there is One who does. And I'm going to have to lean on Him for each step.
This is a personal, vulnerable journey and He is going to have to be my Sustainer. I'm going to have to trust that HE is true, His promises are true and He can be trusted. I have a lot of Bible reading to do, friends.
No Matter What Lyrics
I’m running back to Your promises, one more time
Lord that’s all I can hold on to
I’ve got to say this has taken me, by surprise
But nothing surprises You
Before a heartache, can ever touch my life
It has to go through Your hands
And even though I, I keep asking why I keep asking why
No matter what, I’m gonna love You
No matter what, I’m gonna need You
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain
But if not, if not - I’ll trust You
No matter what (no matter, no matter what, no matter)
No matter what (no matter, no matter what – no matter, no matter what)
When I’m stuck in this nothingness, by myself I’m just sitting in silence
There’s no way I can make it, without Your help
I won’t even try it
I know You have Your reasons, for everything
So I will keep believing
Whatever I might be feeling God You are my hope, and You’ll be my strength
Anything I don’t have, You can give it to me
But it’s OK if You don’t
I’m not here for those things
The touch of Your love is enough on its own
And no matter what, I still love You
And I’m gonna need You
No matter what, I’m gonna love You
No matter what, I’m gonna need You
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain
But if not, if not - I’ll trust You
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain
But if not, but if not, I’ll trust You
No matter what (no matter)
No matter what (no matter, no matter what)
No matter - no matter what (No matter - no matter what)
No matter - no matter what (No matter - no matter what)
No matter - no matter what
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
What to Expect When You're Adopting From Haiti - Compiling the Dossier
We are on step 6 of adopting from Haiti! Here are the steps we've completed so far:
But I'm in my element in this. I love organizing and doing paperwork. (I know that seems crazy to a lot of people!) I have found my niche here, people! :)
What to Expect with This Step
I'm scared. I've always been a fearful person. I saw yesterday in a very simple matter how I am so very much like a child. If I don't get my way, I am UPSET. I mean, temper tantrum upset. It really isn't pretty at all in my head. I automatically question God's love for me as soon as I'm not getting my way about something - and I do it in anger!
In my life, fear typically presents itself in anger. When someone scares me in jest my first reaction is to hit them. It's like a powerful, emotive response. I'm scared --> I'm angry.
So, when I believe something is out of my control and that God doesn't have my back, I get scared and automatically revert to anger.
I know how I'm going to feel if this falls apart. I'm going to be scared that I've failed from this calling somehow. That I've done something to Him and that He is disappointed in me. And then I'll get angry. I've seen it before in my life and I'm not excited to see it again.
I know getting my own way all the time is not good for me, just as it is not good for my children. I know, also, that if this does not work out, He will have something else for me, for us. At least, I pray He does.
I have so much to learn and I'm thankful that this process is going to be one of those ways to learn those things.
Thank you for your prayers and support, friends. We have been so joyfully surprised at the wonderful comments and encouragements we have received from you since our announcement. We're so grateful!
Love,
Karyn
- Decide to adopt - 6 months
- Decide to adopt from Haiti - 1 month
- Choose an agency to work with - 2 days
- Apply to an agency and be accepted - 5 days
- Send in agency fee - 3 days
- Compile dossier -
But I'm in my element in this. I love organizing and doing paperwork. (I know that seems crazy to a lot of people!) I have found my niche here, people! :)
What to Expect with This Step
- Paperwork - and lots of it. Birth/marriage certificates, autobiographies, references, clearances, etc. all need to be compiled.
- Exams from several different professionals saying we are fit to parent.
- Getting to know a notary very well. Our notary is about to be my new best friend.
- For this step to take approximately 2-6 months to complete.
- Haiti is not a Hague Accredited country. In short, the Hague Convention (and resulting treaty) asserts regulations to limit child trafficking as much as possible. They enforce laws in regard to adoption that are tight and require a lot of leg work - this is all very good. Haiti desires to be a Hague country and the governing body there has signed the treaty but not yet ratified it. What that means is the second they decide to ratify, all new dossier acceptances stop until the ratification process is complete - which took the United States, a first world country, 15 years to complete. Our dossier can't reach Haiti until August when I turn 35 (one of the requirements of adopting from Haiti). So, we need this treaty to not be ratified until after our dossier is well into the governing body of Haiti (IBESR).
- We just heard today that Haiti is not accepting new dossiers until June 1. I'm praying this won't mean that they are stopping from accepting dossiers all together.
- The home study. I'm not sure what constitutes failing a home study, but a licensed agency in Pennsylvania needs to say we are fit to parent and our home and environment are fit to parent in. If we don't pass this step, we're out.
I'm scared. I've always been a fearful person. I saw yesterday in a very simple matter how I am so very much like a child. If I don't get my way, I am UPSET. I mean, temper tantrum upset. It really isn't pretty at all in my head. I automatically question God's love for me as soon as I'm not getting my way about something - and I do it in anger!
In my life, fear typically presents itself in anger. When someone scares me in jest my first reaction is to hit them. It's like a powerful, emotive response. I'm scared --> I'm angry.
So, when I believe something is out of my control and that God doesn't have my back, I get scared and automatically revert to anger.
I know how I'm going to feel if this falls apart. I'm going to be scared that I've failed from this calling somehow. That I've done something to Him and that He is disappointed in me. And then I'll get angry. I've seen it before in my life and I'm not excited to see it again.
I know getting my own way all the time is not good for me, just as it is not good for my children. I know, also, that if this does not work out, He will have something else for me, for us. At least, I pray He does.
I have so much to learn and I'm thankful that this process is going to be one of those ways to learn those things.
Thank you for your prayers and support, friends. We have been so joyfully surprised at the wonderful comments and encouragements we have received from you since our announcement. We're so grateful!
Love,
Karyn
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Our Announcement
It is time!
After months of prayer, consideration, talking, crying and experiencing life in light of "the decision", Husband and I have decided to adopt - from Haiti.
And so begins the process of waiting for our little one to come home. We're excited, scared, tentative, happy, emotional and nervous all at the same time.
If you think of us, we'd appreciate your prayers. We keep hearing how surprising, scary, unpredictable and wonderful this process is. Prayers that His peace would envelop us as our journey unfolds, that His will would be done and that the child He has chosen for our family would find us somehow would be so appreciated. Thank you, dear ones.
After months of prayer, consideration, talking, crying and experiencing life in light of "the decision", Husband and I have decided to adopt - from Haiti.
And so begins the process of waiting for our little one to come home. We're excited, scared, tentative, happy, emotional and nervous all at the same time.
If you think of us, we'd appreciate your prayers. We keep hearing how surprising, scary, unpredictable and wonderful this process is. Prayers that His peace would envelop us as our journey unfolds, that His will would be done and that the child He has chosen for our family would find us somehow would be so appreciated. Thank you, dear ones.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Radical Love
Today has been a heart breaking day for me. Nothing bad has happened to my family. Nothing bad has happened to me, but I'm grieving, just the same.
You see, my husband and I have been considering and praying over adoption for several months. Just two weeks ago my husband told me he was ready to move forward in adopting. I started narrowing down the countries we were eligible to adopt from and we both felt like we had to wait. He had a mission trip scheduled and we felt like we specifically needed to wait for that trip to happen before we made a decision. So we stopped working and started praying and fasting.
His trip was last week.
Now, you need to understand my husband. He is a methodical, cautious and very "thinking" kind of person. But he called me on Wednesday during his trip to tell me he had met a little boy.
Moses.
Moses is 8 months old and he needs a home. But its complicated because he is a refugee living in a different country from when he was birthed.
"I want to adopt him."
I couldn't believe this was coming from MY husband. He didn't need to think. He didn't need to wonder. He had met the reality of the orphan crisis and he had fallen in love.
He sent me pictures and it took me less than 2 seconds to fall in love with this sweet little boy.
It seemed so simple. He is an orphan. He needs a family. We have that!
But, we learned today that we can not adopt him.
The particular countryis a Hague Convention country, which means you have to follow very specific rules in order to adopt. They allow no private adoptions. THEY match you to a child. You are not allowed to arrange your own.
We are heart broken over this because we started, even in that short 1 week window, thinking of this child as our son.
We didn't tell anyone we were thinking of adopting because we wanted to know how we felt about all of it before we started hearing everyone else's opinion.
Well, now I know.
I KNOW I can love another child just as much as I love my own children. I know I can love a child that is a different color than I am. I know I don't care how much it costs. I know I don't care if I have to wait to accomplish it. I know I don't care what anyone thinks (unless they think I'm an unfit parent - I do care about that).
I know my heart has broken for the orphan, the defenseless, the child with no home.
And I know I want to adopt.
But there is something else in this that is taking me a little off guard.
People keep saying, "You're learning a lot about the love of the Father through this."
What are they talking about, I've wondered?
I feel like God is dangling carrots in front of me, giving me desires and seeming opportunity and then yanking the carrot away while laughing.
My friend said to me, "I can hear what Satan is whispering to you. It's NOT true."
Two sweet girls lost their mother in January. Just before she passed away I shared this song with one of the girls.
I listened to that same song tonight. If I could love this little boy so much in 4 days and would put my life on hold for him and long and ache for him, how much more does God love me?
I think that is what my friend was getting at.
Adoption is a hard, sad, messy thing. These children have experienced grief beyond what I will ever know. Abandoned, relinquished, forgotten, alone. Each child who has been orphaned will experience a level of hurt that will not heal on this side of heaven, but I want nothing more than to walk beside a child who is experiencing that hurt. I want to be their mother.
I'm scared.
I don't know what is in store for us now. We are hurting. My husband is hurting. I don't know if he will want to continue in this process or not now. We have to wait some more to find out, I think.
I'm not looking forward to that. But, I'm looking forward to the growth I hope to experience in finding the truth of the love God has for me, which trumps the love I'll ever have for anyone.
You see, my husband and I have been considering and praying over adoption for several months. Just two weeks ago my husband told me he was ready to move forward in adopting. I started narrowing down the countries we were eligible to adopt from and we both felt like we had to wait. He had a mission trip scheduled and we felt like we specifically needed to wait for that trip to happen before we made a decision. So we stopped working and started praying and fasting.
His trip was last week.
Now, you need to understand my husband. He is a methodical, cautious and very "thinking" kind of person. But he called me on Wednesday during his trip to tell me he had met a little boy.
Moses.
Moses is 8 months old and he needs a home. But its complicated because he is a refugee living in a different country from when he was birthed.
"I want to adopt him."
I couldn't believe this was coming from MY husband. He didn't need to think. He didn't need to wonder. He had met the reality of the orphan crisis and he had fallen in love.
He sent me pictures and it took me less than 2 seconds to fall in love with this sweet little boy.
It seemed so simple. He is an orphan. He needs a family. We have that!
But, we learned today that we can not adopt him.
The particular countryis a Hague Convention country, which means you have to follow very specific rules in order to adopt. They allow no private adoptions. THEY match you to a child. You are not allowed to arrange your own.
We are heart broken over this because we started, even in that short 1 week window, thinking of this child as our son.
We didn't tell anyone we were thinking of adopting because we wanted to know how we felt about all of it before we started hearing everyone else's opinion.
Well, now I know.
I KNOW I can love another child just as much as I love my own children. I know I can love a child that is a different color than I am. I know I don't care how much it costs. I know I don't care if I have to wait to accomplish it. I know I don't care what anyone thinks (unless they think I'm an unfit parent - I do care about that).
I know my heart has broken for the orphan, the defenseless, the child with no home.
And I know I want to adopt.
But there is something else in this that is taking me a little off guard.
People keep saying, "You're learning a lot about the love of the Father through this."
What are they talking about, I've wondered?
I feel like God is dangling carrots in front of me, giving me desires and seeming opportunity and then yanking the carrot away while laughing.
My friend said to me, "I can hear what Satan is whispering to you. It's NOT true."
Two sweet girls lost their mother in January. Just before she passed away I shared this song with one of the girls.
I listened to that same song tonight. If I could love this little boy so much in 4 days and would put my life on hold for him and long and ache for him, how much more does God love me?
I think that is what my friend was getting at.
Adoption is a hard, sad, messy thing. These children have experienced grief beyond what I will ever know. Abandoned, relinquished, forgotten, alone. Each child who has been orphaned will experience a level of hurt that will not heal on this side of heaven, but I want nothing more than to walk beside a child who is experiencing that hurt. I want to be their mother.
I'm scared.
I don't know what is in store for us now. We are hurting. My husband is hurting. I don't know if he will want to continue in this process or not now. We have to wait some more to find out, I think.
I'm not looking forward to that. But, I'm looking forward to the growth I hope to experience in finding the truth of the love God has for me, which trumps the love I'll ever have for anyone.
All your pain
Will be made mine
All your troubles
The tears you cry
Give it up
All that binds
I will place it on my shoulders
And up this hill I’ll climb
Father, give me strength
I know there is no other way
I lay down my life for you
This is the moment when all will be made new
I know that you don’t understand
But this is part of a greater plan
So I lay down my life for you
This is love
That had to bleed
To bring you mercy
To set you free
You are mine
I am yours
And I will wear your burdens
Just like this crown of thorns
I will take your place
I know there is no other way
I lay down my life for you
This is the moment when all will be made new
I know that you don’t understand
But this is part of a greater plan
And I lay down my life for you
Give me all your pride
Give me all your fears
Give me all your secrets
Give me all your tears
Give me all you doubt
Give me all your shame
Watch them wash away
Watch them wash away
Give me all your pride
Give me all your fears
Give me all your secrets
Give me all your tears
Give me all your doubt
Give me all your shame
Watch them wash away
In Jesus’ name
I lay down my life for you
This is the moment when all will be made new
I know that you don’t understand
But this is part of a greater plan
And I lay down my life for you
Though I know that you don’t understand
These scars are part of a greater plan
And I lay down my life for you
Arms stretched out
Upon this tree
To show true love
To set you free
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Short Term Tunnel Vision
Here's how I operate.....
If it isn't happening in 2 months, it isn't happening. EVER.
About a month ago my husband and I started talking about going to Haiti with Help End Local Poverty. We were able to speak with Chris (from HELP) on the phone the a couple days ago and while we had considered going on a trip with them in June, it became clear that their February trip was more appropriate for us because they were going to be vision casting for fighting human trafficking in Haiti. RIGHT up my alley!
I thought it might work. Husband was scheduled to work, but only 4 days so we thought it wouldn't be terribly difficult to switch. I was sure I could find child care.
Nope. None of that happened. And the more we tried, the more complicated it seemed to get.
So we're not going.
And that means everything else is on hold.
We wanted to go to Haiti as we consider adoption - to see if there is a need for adoption and if Haiti is a country we could see ourselves investing in and spending a significant amount of time in because of our child.
But now there isn't anything on the radar and I don't know what is going to happen.
So, I'm back to radical waiting.
If it isn't happening in 2 months, it isn't happening. EVER.
About a month ago my husband and I started talking about going to Haiti with Help End Local Poverty. We were able to speak with Chris (from HELP) on the phone the a couple days ago and while we had considered going on a trip with them in June, it became clear that their February trip was more appropriate for us because they were going to be vision casting for fighting human trafficking in Haiti. RIGHT up my alley!
I thought it might work. Husband was scheduled to work, but only 4 days so we thought it wouldn't be terribly difficult to switch. I was sure I could find child care.
Nope. None of that happened. And the more we tried, the more complicated it seemed to get.
So we're not going.
And that means everything else is on hold.
We wanted to go to Haiti as we consider adoption - to see if there is a need for adoption and if Haiti is a country we could see ourselves investing in and spending a significant amount of time in because of our child.
But now there isn't anything on the radar and I don't know what is going to happen.
So, I'm back to radical waiting.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Radical Waiting
The process from dating to engagement was not what you'd call "happy" in my relationship with my husband. I pushed beyond what I ever should have for that "final decision" and have lived to regret it even these years later. Not because we made the wrong decision, but it was made in the wrong way.
Have you ever heard that history repeats itself?
Well, it's repeating itself.
I'm ready for something my husband is not ready for. I'm ready to make a decision, even though I feel a lack of peace in my heart. So, I guess I'm not ready, I just want to take the weight of indecision off.
He's not ready at all to make any decision in the direction I want him to.
So, instead of letting the tension continue to mount, I'm going to step back.
And wait.
And today that is the most radical thing I can do.
Can you relate? Have you ever chosen to push ahead even when you didn't feel peaceful? Or have you waited? Please share your experience.
Have you ever heard that history repeats itself?
Well, it's repeating itself.
I'm ready for something my husband is not ready for. I'm ready to make a decision, even though I feel a lack of peace in my heart. So, I guess I'm not ready, I just want to take the weight of indecision off.
He's not ready at all to make any decision in the direction I want him to.
So, instead of letting the tension continue to mount, I'm going to step back.
And wait.
And today that is the most radical thing I can do.
Can you relate? Have you ever chosen to push ahead even when you didn't feel peaceful? Or have you waited? Please share your experience.
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