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Why ask a God I'm unsure of for things that I want when I don't know how He'll answer. Perhaps He'll say no, or worse, seemingly take away that which I want, thereby clouding my view of Him as a loving, compassionate God even more. I'm not talking about houses and cars. I'm talking about something as "simple" as understanding His will.
Why ask an ever present, all holy God about things that I can't begin to understand or fathom.
God is confusing to me. I don't feel at all certain about how He feels about me because my experience of His love for me has always been contingent on my experience of His response, or lack thereof, to my prayers, instead of what the Bible says - what He says - is true.
I don't usually take comfort in the cloudy view I have of God. It's faded, distant and inaccurate.
And that's how I see Him in prayer.
The God I "see" is not ever going to be an accurate representation of what He's doing or who He is in my life.
I see orphans in Haiti and I wonder how God can watch them be abandoned and suffer. I see trafficking happen to 14 year old girls and I cringe at the thought that God isn't obviously stepping in. I see parents leaving behind children much too early, illness ravage children's bodies, parents lose children before they even got to know who they were.
And God becomes cloudier still.
But there is some comfort in knowing that I'm seeing things through a cloudy perspective. I know I am not seeing Him clearly and the perceptions I have of Him are not accurate either. They are at least as cloudy.
So like loving someone despite the feelings that do or don't exist, simply because you're committed to them, even if I don't feel safe trusting in Him today, I decide to do it anyway.
Because someday it will be clear. It will be as clear has He sees me even now. He sees me oh so clearly. He knows my heart. He knows what I need. He knows what you need. He SEES us. And He's got us in His hands.
"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." 1 Corinthians 13:12
