Where Did Jesus' Money Go?

This post has been a long time in coming.

Jesus had a fund that was up to almost $250 from little things I was cutting out of my regular spending.  And now it's down to close to $6.50.  I'm sure you're wondering if I'm embezzling from Jesus.

Not so, my friends.  Jesus had His first disbursements!

My heart just aches for children with no parents, and for the tremendous cost required to adopt.  I truly believe that Jesus can step in and make it happen for people starting out with no savings to adopt and ending with their entire adoption fully funded.  Through DFC, I've been privileged to meet many people who that is a reality for.  But, I also believe Jesus works through us and He's not going to come down here and start putting money in people's bank accounts to fund their adoptions.  He's going to ask you and me to do it. 

It bothered me that the Jesus fund was accumulating and not going anywhere but my bank account, so I started to pray about where it should go.  And then I learned about this family adopting from Haiti.  I sat at my computer and CRIED as I watched the beautiful video done by their daughter.  And, there was my first answer to the Jesus fund.  Another Haiti family did the same thing to me, so the Jesus fund shrunk a little more.  And then I learned about Second Mile Ministries and they got all the rest. 

I think all of my passions are rolled up into one through this organization.  Second Mile Haiti works in Haiti (can you believe it???).  Here's their mission.....

"Our mission is to provide for the physical needs of sick and malnourished children while empowering their mothers through health education and small business opportunities."

I am ALL over that, baby!  Dignified livelihood.  Children staying with their parents.  Small business opportunities.  Sustainable medical care.  Helping children.  HAITI!!  Yep!  

I can't tell you how sick it makes me to think of a parent relinquishing their children because they can not support them.  Just makes me sick.  As a future adopting parent, I have a responsibility to do something about that and Second Mile Haiti just seemed like the perfect fit.

So, there's my accountability for the day.  :)  So much better than any muffin I'd have eaten at Tim Horton's.  Or donut, or panini, or XL hot tea with sugar........

In the World, Not Of It

Credit

When we purchased our house a couple of years ago, we knew it needed a lot of work done to it.  It is a beautiful home - just not finished.  Our house has a history of people moving in and out of it quickly.  And so, it wasn't ever completely done.

The house was mostly lacking curb appeal.
 
Last year we began the process of finishing the outside of our home.  Fixing the porch, beefing up the molding, warping pillars, fixing the steps.  This year our plan was to put trim around the windows.

We have a guy, who we love, who has done our construction projects with us.  He is phenomenal.  Said guy invited us to meet with a designer to show us how our house would look with the next step completed, prior to purchasing the materials and beginning the next phase.  Husband and I welcomed the opportunity because neither of us have what artists and designers have - a creative, intuitive, designing eye.

As we met with artist man today, he showed us all these beautiful sketches and designs of what our house could look like.  And then he said this,

"You know, if you just put $30,000 into this house, it would look phenomenal."

I looked at Husband, and he looked back, knowingly.

$30,000.  The estimate of how much it is going to cost us to adopt from Haiti.

You know, I WANT to make my house be as beautiful as it can be.  I want it to have the curb appeal that last year I longed for.  I want to do the easy, comfortable thing.

Now, don't get me wrong - $30,000 is not the easy thing.  Like most people, we don't have $30,000 floating around waiting to be spent.  But, putting money into a project that I can see develop with my eyes, that will make me, my family, look perfect and like we have it all together is something I really want.

It doesn't require waiting for bunches of people to tell me I'm fit to parent.  It doesn't require someone in another country to tell me its okay to adopt one of their children.  It doesn't require seeing a precious face on my desktop that I long to bring home but can't.   Its so much easier.

We committed to finish the next phase of our project.  We will work on it bits at a time as we feel like it fits into our budget.  There's a juggling act to being in the world but not being of it.  There's nothing wrong with adding curb appeal to my home, I don't think.  That's part of being in our culture.  But longing for that is being of our culture.

I hope my longing keeps moving in the direction of the world that is not here.  That lesson, I believe, is the first gift from our waiting child to us.

Our Announcement

It is time!

After months of prayer, consideration, talking, crying and experiencing life in light of "the decision", Husband and I have decided to adopt - from Haiti.

And so begins the process of waiting for our little one to come home.  We're excited, scared, tentative, happy, emotional and nervous all at the same time.

If you think of us, we'd appreciate your prayers.  We keep hearing how surprising, scary, unpredictable and wonderful this process is.  Prayers that His peace would envelop us as our journey unfolds, that His will would be done and that the child He has chosen for our family would find us somehow would be so appreciated.  Thank you, dear ones.

Radical Love

Today has been a heart breaking day for me. Nothing bad has happened to my family. Nothing bad has happened to me, but I'm grieving, just the same.

You see, my husband and I have been considering and praying over adoption for several months. Just two weeks ago my husband told me he was ready to move forward in adopting. I started narrowing down the countries we were eligible to adopt from and we both felt like we had to wait. He had a mission trip scheduled and we felt like we specifically needed to wait for that trip to happen before we made a decision. So we stopped working and started praying and fasting.

His trip was last week.

Now, you need to understand my husband. He is a methodical, cautious and very "thinking" kind of person. But he called me on Wednesday during his trip to tell me he had met a little boy.

Moses.

Moses is 8 months old and he needs a home. But its complicated because he is a refugee living in a different country from when he was birthed.

"I want to adopt him."

I couldn't believe this was coming from MY husband. He didn't need to think. He didn't need to wonder. He had met the reality of the orphan crisis and he had fallen in love.

He sent me pictures and it took me less than 2 seconds to fall in love with this sweet little boy.

It seemed so simple. He is an orphan. He needs a family. We have that!

But, we learned today that we can not adopt him.

The particular countryis a Hague Convention country, which means you have to follow very specific rules in order to adopt. They allow no private adoptions. THEY match you to a child. You are not allowed to arrange your own.

We are heart broken over this because we started, even in that short 1 week window, thinking of this child as our son.

We didn't tell anyone we were thinking of adopting because we wanted to know how we felt about all of it before we started hearing everyone else's opinion.

Well, now I know.

I KNOW I can love another child just as much as I love my own children. I know I can love a child that is a different color than I am. I know I don't care how much it costs. I know I don't care if I have to wait to accomplish it. I know I don't care what anyone thinks (unless they think I'm an unfit parent - I do care about that).

I know my heart has broken for the orphan, the defenseless, the child with no home.

And I know I want to adopt.

But there is something else in this that is taking me a little off guard.

People keep saying, "You're learning a lot about the love of the Father through this."

What are they talking about, I've wondered?

I feel like God is dangling carrots in front of me, giving me desires and seeming opportunity and then yanking the carrot away while laughing.

My friend said to me, "I can hear what Satan is whispering to you. It's NOT true."

Two sweet girls lost their mother in January. Just before she passed away I shared this song with one of the girls.

I listened to that same song tonight. If I could love this little boy so much in 4 days and would put my life on hold for him and long and ache for him, how much more does God love me?

I think that is what my friend was getting at.

Adoption is a hard, sad, messy thing. These children have experienced grief beyond what I will ever know. Abandoned, relinquished, forgotten, alone. Each child who has been orphaned will experience a level of hurt that will not heal on this side of heaven, but I want nothing more than to walk beside a child who is experiencing that hurt. I want to be their mother.

I'm scared.

I don't know what is in store for us now. We are hurting. My husband is hurting. I don't know if he will want to continue in this process or not now. We have to wait some more to find out, I think.

I'm not looking forward to that. But, I'm looking forward to the growth I hope to experience in finding the truth of the love God has for me, which trumps the love I'll ever have for anyone.

All your pain
Will be made mine
All your troubles
The tears you cry

Give it up
All that binds
I will place it on my shoulders
And up this hill I’ll climb

Father, give me strength
I know there is no other way

I lay down my life for you
This is the moment when all will be made new
I know that you don’t understand
But this is part of a greater plan
So I lay down my life for you

This is love
That had to bleed
To bring you mercy
To set you free

You are mine
I am yours
And I will wear your burdens
Just like this crown of thorns

I will take your place
I know there is no other way

I lay down my life for you
This is the moment when all will be made new
I know that you don’t understand
But this is part of a greater plan
And I lay down my life for you

Give me all your pride
Give me all your fears
Give me all your secrets
Give me all your tears

Give me all you doubt
Give me all your shame
Watch them wash away
Watch them wash away

Give me all your pride
Give me all your fears
Give me all your secrets
Give me all your tears

Give me all your doubt
Give me all your shame
Watch them wash away
In Jesus’ name

I lay down my life for you
This is the moment when all will be made new
I know that you don’t understand
But this is part of a greater plan
And I lay down my life for you

Though I know that you don’t understand
These scars are part of a greater plan
And I lay down my life for you

Arms stretched out
Upon this tree
To show true love
To set you free

Tim Horton Withdrawal

There is a dichotomy of feeling that I experience when I post here.

Because my Jesus fund keeps adding up.

I feel a combination of shame over the spending I didn't think twice about before as well as a sense of excitement that simply skipping a few things adds up so fast!

Lastest skips - Tim Hortons and a cake pop pan.

I used to drop Little Miss off at school and run to Tim Horton's. "Yes. I'll have an extra large tea with sugar and 2 fruit explosion muffins."

"That will be $4.36."

$4.36 no more.

Three times a week, at least, and we're looking at nearly $13 a week. That adds up fast.

The thing is, I'm finding my mentality is changing through this. The desire to go to Tim Horton's every time I drop her off is no longer there. Does that mean I stop counting it every week?

I'm not sure.

Either way its a good thing. It means that the Jesus fund is not something that is temporary, (although I have a feeling that the accrual of it will slow as this goes on). The Jesus fund is a heart change that I'm experiencing.

And I'm glad for that.

Any simple luxuries you've given up lately? Please share. Because at this moment, I'm longing for a fruit explosion muffin. :)

Adding Up the Jesus Fund - The First Installments

Last week I introduced you to my Jesus fund.

Here's how it's adding up so far....

After the new year, I decided I was going to have to start dieting. I had gained 10 pounds in a year and was growing out of my pants. And my kids were asking me if I had a baby in my belly, which was met with a prompt lecture on how you never say things like that to Mommy.

One of the ways I decided to go about my plan to lose weight was through walking on the treadmill.

But I am oh, so picky. The treadmill had to be in the corner of the room because it just felt too tacky to have a piece of exercise equipment in the middle of my living room. And I, of course, needed to be able to watch TV while exercising because that is the only way I could tolerate it. And I had to pull the treadmill way out to the middle of the living room to see the TV.

All kinds of problems here.

My solution?

I need a new entertainment stand - one that is flat, with no doors covering the TV, so I can just rotate the TV for my convenience.

I drove to very fashionable and very trendy HQ and prided myself in picking out an inexpensive, yet attractive, flat entertainment stand. We got it all loaded up in the car, smashed right up against Little Miss and drove home - conviction pouring down all the way.

I was purchasing this entertainment table for my own convenience. I didn't need it. I could inconvenience myself by pulling out the treadmill if I so desired. And it cost $183.37. $183.37 that I really didn't think about, and easily justified spending. Enter shame.

So, it never came out of the box. It went right back to HQ and the refunded money went straight into the Jesus Fund.

Installment #1? Check!

I mentioned I've been reading Jen Hatmaker's book, 7 - a project against excess. She has partnered with HELP in the efforts to promote Garage Sale for Orphans as a way to get rid of all the extra stuff we all have laying around and help end human trafficking in Haiti. (Maybe something I would like???.....).

Now, I live in the middle of no where. The summer after we moved into our home I held a garage sale. Saying that it bit would be an understatement. I vowed I wouldn't do it again.

So Amazon is my substitute.

I have a lot of books in my bedroom that I've read once and know I'm not going to read again, so I started listing them on Amazon. Results so far? $6.75.

Installment #2.

It's a start, and a pretty good one, I think. For me, this is going to add up fast.

Do you have any creative ideas for how I can add to the Jesus Fund? Let's here 'em!

photo credit

The Jesus Fund

One of the ideas that came out of reading Radical for our family was "The Jesus Fund."

You know all those commercials that say, "Hey, if you skipped this cup of coffee every day you could sponsor a child!"

And then you know how we all ignore it?

For me, it just isn't concrete enough. Sure I could skip that cup of coffee (tea in my case), but I would just go ahead and spend the money on something else just as unnecessary.

Enter the Jesus Fund. Because I like concreteness.

Now, when I make volitional choices to pass up the purchases I would usually spend money on that I really don't need to be spending money on, I keep track.

Quicken is a beautiful thing. It has helped us really keep track of where our money is going and has helped us allot our money to where we want it to be going and not just where we're spending it.

Quicken has this great feature in which you can "save" money and make an account for it without actually having a separate bank account. They are termed "savings plans".

Well, now Jesus has His own plan.

When we skip out on a regular purchase, we "transfer" money from our checking account to our Jesus fund. We're going to pray about where that money should go as it increases. For now we're just keeping track and seeing what that change looks like.

You get to be my accountability partners and see what is changing in our spending and how quickly this adds up. Part of me wants it to add up fast and part of me knows I'll be ashamed of how excessively I want to spend our money as I watch it add up.

Stay tuned.

PS - If you decide to start a Jesus fund, let me know. I want to be watching you too. :)

photo credit

Cleaning It Out

A friend of mine introduced me to Jen Hatmaker and her radical book, 7.

I started reading it on Wednesday and today I started making concrete changes as a result of the convictions it has prompted in me.

I say convictions and not guilt because guilt is not driving the decisions I'm making. My hunger for Christ-likeness is leading the charge. Finally!

We have an ENORMOUS pantry in our kitchen, including three massive shelves that span about 6 feet in length each. And it is full.

I called the kids into the kitchen with me tonight and talked to them about what many kids in Haiti have right now. Rice and beans. Two things. I pulled out a container of rice and a can of beans and set it on the floor. I told the kids, "If I handed this much food to a kiddo in Haiti right now they would think it was Christmas."

My kids jaws actually dropped.

I explained to them that I had been learning new things about how God wants us to live and how we were going to change as a result of that. Change number 1? Going through our things. Seeing what all we have, taking stock, disposing of the expired items, giving away that which is good but we won't use and making a plan for the items we have. We cleaned out 1/3 of the pantry. Not our cupboards. Not our refrigerator. Not our freezers. (Yes, more than 1 freezer.) Merely 1/3 of our pantry. We pulled out 120 items.

120!

Tonight I am not okay with that. I made a list of meals I'm going to make this week with many of those items. Why do I possibly need to go grocery shopping with that many things in 1/3 of my pantry?

Our new rule in the house is we don't buy food to replace other food until the first thing is gone. Don't want the snacks we have? Well, we can get new ones when these ones are gone.

Your thoughts? How many things do you have in your pantry?

Radical

Just want to share with you why the book we're reading is more than likely going to change our lives. Have you read it?

Tailgating and Jesus

I'm ashamed to say it, but I think the most radical change in my life that is needed at this point is simply loving people.

I'm not good at that.

People frustrate me. When they look straight through me instead of saying hello, when I'm treated like I'm invisible at the grocery store, when people are driving so. very. slow. Frustrating.

My patience just diminishes.

I've been reading Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts. It has been perspective changing to say the least. In light of the ideas and thoughts she proposes, I've tried something different in the last couple of days.

Instead of thinking "What Would Jesus Do?", which is only more frustrating to me since I'll NEVER be like that, I'm thinking, "What if that was Jesus?"

What if that dude, traveling 35 mph in a 55 were Jesus. Would I be tailgating him? If the person at the grocery store nearly ran into me with their cart, while making eye contact with me, would I play chicken and refuse to move if it was Jesus?

I think its valid because we're all image bearers of Christ. And It says, "Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine you did for Me." (Matthew 25:40).

Perspective change.

I think its going to be good for me. Not so good for my chicken game.