A friend of mine and I were having a conversation last week about "screen time". How it sucks time, and therefore life, away from you before you even realize it. I told her of another friend of mine who said that a study showed that people actually feel worse about themselves after they spend time on Facebook.
I believe it.
Facebook is bad for me.
Now, to start off with my disclaimer, there are many things I enjoy about Facebook. I enjoy being even minimally connected to people who I have shared life with along the way that I no longer live close to. And I'm pretty sure the business wouldn't have survived the first two years without it. Even now, it is my primary means of advertising, for free, thank you very much. I also think that the support gained through groups and prayers of hundreds is incredible.
But.....when I look at Facebook, my world becomes bigger and at the same time smaller in ways it doesn't necessarily need to be. I see people moving ahead with their businesses, adoptions and friendships. I see who they are with and where they are. Their kids and homes look perfect. They have hundreds of friends. Their
kids are in a million different activities and getting straight A's. I see like minded businesses with thousands of fans.
In the meantime, I feel lonely because I'm a natural introvert and while I like a lot of time to myself and having a few close friends, there is a lot of me that really wants to have a lot of friends and look like everyone else looks on Facebook. When I finish "catching up for the day", I feel like such a loser when I'm done exploring because that is where my heart has been for at least the last 20 minutes (at least), because who can get off the thing?
There used to be a phenomenon called the comparison trap when I was early in my mothering - 9 years ago now. It was dangerous, they said, to compare yourself to all the moms and families around you. How often does God tell us not to covet your neighbor - not to wish you had what they have? That was hard when I was surrounded by 10 moms. On Facebook, I'm surrounded by hundreds. Who can compete with that?!
Relationally, I'm a pretty quiet facebook person. I don't post a lot about myself or my family. I feel fake and weird about it a lot of times. I want people to know I'm real, but, I'm certainly not going to say - "Hey. I yelled at my kids today and got in a fight with my husband. Click "LIKE" if you did too.", although, I wonder what the response would be.
I think there should be another "book" called Realitybook. That's where people share who they really are and what is really happening - the good and the bad. Now that's something I could get on board with, perhaps. But, there's probably not much of a market for that.
What do you think? Can you relate?
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Monday, January 14, 2013
Why Running Is Good For Me
If someone had told me I would have a blog and talk about running (other than making fun of it to mask my insecurity about it), I would have laughed in their face and then thrown up just in case it was true.
But, today, it was 30 degrees and I took 35 minutes out of my day to go for a run. Crazy, I know.
I didn't really want to. I've been making excuses for the last week (I only got one run in during the last week). It's icy, it's raining, it's too hard in the snow. But 1 minute in I was glad I had gone.
I need it for 3 reasons.
One, I prayed for that one girl tonight who needs rescued from bondage - prayed that she would be set free; that she would have hope. I love that prayer and that purpose behind running.
Two, it is an incredible stress reliever. When I did occupational therapy, I did sensory integration therapy and one of the things we did with kiddos who had trouble coping with normal environmental occurrences was proprioceptive input - basically weight bearing activities that would help to calm them and regulate information in their environment that you and I can handle easily. Turns out I, Miss High Stress, really appreciate proprioceptive input. Running does that for me. It also feels like a victory every time I finish a run without stopping and that feels awesome.
And, three, it gives me the chance to actually worship God. It gives me the opportunity to see the details in our road (deer tracks and other footprints), the clouds in the sky, the falling snow, the movement of the fields. I love that and when I run I am so thankful for it.
Thank you to all of you who are joining me in running and walking for girls all over the world tonight. It makes a beautiful difference.
But, today, it was 30 degrees and I took 35 minutes out of my day to go for a run. Crazy, I know.
I didn't really want to. I've been making excuses for the last week (I only got one run in during the last week). It's icy, it's raining, it's too hard in the snow. But 1 minute in I was glad I had gone.
I need it for 3 reasons.
One, I prayed for that one girl tonight who needs rescued from bondage - prayed that she would be set free; that she would have hope. I love that prayer and that purpose behind running.
Two, it is an incredible stress reliever. When I did occupational therapy, I did sensory integration therapy and one of the things we did with kiddos who had trouble coping with normal environmental occurrences was proprioceptive input - basically weight bearing activities that would help to calm them and regulate information in their environment that you and I can handle easily. Turns out I, Miss High Stress, really appreciate proprioceptive input. Running does that for me. It also feels like a victory every time I finish a run without stopping and that feels awesome.
And, three, it gives me the chance to actually worship God. It gives me the opportunity to see the details in our road (deer tracks and other footprints), the clouds in the sky, the falling snow, the movement of the fields. I love that and when I run I am so thankful for it.
Thank you to all of you who are joining me in running and walking for girls all over the world tonight. It makes a beautiful difference.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Pretending Evil Doesn't Exist
Lately I've been learning about things that outrage me.
I did a post on "lot lizards" - girls who are trafficked out at truck stops - about a year ago on the business blog. I was hoping to raise awareness for Gracehaven House, a non-profit group in Ohio that is trying to create shelters for these girls.
Lately I have had a lot of traffic to the blog, which is unusual, unfortunately. A LOT of people have been going to the particular post I did on lot lizards, which I thought was kind of strange. About a month ago I had a guy comment saying that it was true - he had seen it. Last night I got another comment basically thanking me for the tip because he was looking for local "w.....". I wanted to throw up. The LAST thing I wanted to do was tip the guy off.
Today I was reading an article about a person who purchased a cheap Halloween decoration a year ago. Inside the decoration was a note pleading for help from a worker at the labor camp that had produced the decoration.
I post all kinds of stuff like this on the business facebook page and even my own facebook page, trying to raise awareness. It is mostly ignored. Yet, I'll post a picture of a piece of jewelry that just came in and people "like" it and respond a lot.
Why would people rather look at something pretty than look at evil and FIGHT it?
I think it is because we are ALL comfortable. It hurts and makes us feel sick to look at evil. We would rather look at things that are pretty and pretend the evil doesn't exist.
I don't know what to do with this because I can not stay silent. I've prayed about what God wants me to do in this. I've asked Him to send me to help, but none of those doors have opened. I believe He wants me where I am. But what do I do HERE? Can I do anything to get people to want this to be different with me?
I did a post on "lot lizards" - girls who are trafficked out at truck stops - about a year ago on the business blog. I was hoping to raise awareness for Gracehaven House, a non-profit group in Ohio that is trying to create shelters for these girls.
Lately I have had a lot of traffic to the blog, which is unusual, unfortunately. A LOT of people have been going to the particular post I did on lot lizards, which I thought was kind of strange. About a month ago I had a guy comment saying that it was true - he had seen it. Last night I got another comment basically thanking me for the tip because he was looking for local "w.....". I wanted to throw up. The LAST thing I wanted to do was tip the guy off.
Today I was reading an article about a person who purchased a cheap Halloween decoration a year ago. Inside the decoration was a note pleading for help from a worker at the labor camp that had produced the decoration.
I post all kinds of stuff like this on the business facebook page and even my own facebook page, trying to raise awareness. It is mostly ignored. Yet, I'll post a picture of a piece of jewelry that just came in and people "like" it and respond a lot.
Why would people rather look at something pretty than look at evil and FIGHT it?
I think it is because we are ALL comfortable. It hurts and makes us feel sick to look at evil. We would rather look at things that are pretty and pretend the evil doesn't exist.
I don't know what to do with this because I can not stay silent. I've prayed about what God wants me to do in this. I've asked Him to send me to help, but none of those doors have opened. I believe He wants me where I am. But what do I do HERE? Can I do anything to get people to want this to be different with me?
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Adoption Update
That's kind of misleading because there is nothing to update.
We received word a few weeks ago that our dossier is still sitting in IBESR. It will be 4 months on the 14th. We were also told that when it leaves IBESR and goes to the President's desk, we should anticipate waiting 6 months for his signature before we will exit IBESR. And we should anticipate at least a year more of the "process" after our dossier exists IBESR. We're hoping we won't be any longer than 21 months from now, but I'm getting worried about that timeline.
Things feel fuzzy. And kind of like I'm in a river. There are times when the adoption doesn't cross my mind a whole lot. There are times it doesn't feel real at all. And then there are times when it simply aches. It all seems to go in waves.
It has amazed me how much our kiddos have encouraged my heart through the process. The girls tell everyone and their mothers about Little Guy, especially Girly Girl, who is sure Little Guy is going to get here exactly when her teacher is due with her baby. :) Mr. Man doesn't really say anything about him. To him, Little Guy is just a little boy in an orphanage in a third world country. It's not personal. But today I got a text from a mom of one of his friends who asked if we were adopting because her son told her Mr. Man had told him. Such a blessing that was to hear. And she was so encouraging. At this point just having someone mention it helps.
So, we keep waiting and I keep looking forward to the 14th of every month. The 14th is a landmark to me - each and every month. It signifies the anniversary of when we received our referral and the anniversary of when we entered IBESR. Every time we get to the 14th of a month I am grateful. We're almost to 4 months in to IBESR. Hopefully less than 1/3 of the way through this part of the process.
Please keep your prayers up for us and our Little Guy. We appreciate them!
We received word a few weeks ago that our dossier is still sitting in IBESR. It will be 4 months on the 14th. We were also told that when it leaves IBESR and goes to the President's desk, we should anticipate waiting 6 months for his signature before we will exit IBESR. And we should anticipate at least a year more of the "process" after our dossier exists IBESR. We're hoping we won't be any longer than 21 months from now, but I'm getting worried about that timeline.
Things feel fuzzy. And kind of like I'm in a river. There are times when the adoption doesn't cross my mind a whole lot. There are times it doesn't feel real at all. And then there are times when it simply aches. It all seems to go in waves.
It has amazed me how much our kiddos have encouraged my heart through the process. The girls tell everyone and their mothers about Little Guy, especially Girly Girl, who is sure Little Guy is going to get here exactly when her teacher is due with her baby. :) Mr. Man doesn't really say anything about him. To him, Little Guy is just a little boy in an orphanage in a third world country. It's not personal. But today I got a text from a mom of one of his friends who asked if we were adopting because her son told her Mr. Man had told him. Such a blessing that was to hear. And she was so encouraging. At this point just having someone mention it helps.
So, we keep waiting and I keep looking forward to the 14th of every month. The 14th is a landmark to me - each and every month. It signifies the anniversary of when we received our referral and the anniversary of when we entered IBESR. Every time we get to the 14th of a month I am grateful. We're almost to 4 months in to IBESR. Hopefully less than 1/3 of the way through this part of the process.
Please keep your prayers up for us and our Little Guy. We appreciate them!
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Save One with Every Run
Since that time I've been looking for purpose in my life.
Over the summer I participated in a fun run and I thought I was to die on the course. No joke. Turns out 97 degrees, high humidity and one non-hydrating cup of caffeinated tea before hand, along with no prior history of running do not make a good combination.
After that run, that is now an annual commitment, I made a resolution. I decided that I was not going to suck that bad at running it next year! I started to do the couch to 5K program and after 27 runs I started to almost enjoy running.
But, while making a resolution "not to suck" might be a good reason to run for a time, I've been looking for purpose in it. I wanted a purpose every time I ran, not just during an occasional race.
My first (and only run to date) was a 5K benefiting International Justice Mission. The purpose of the run was to raise money while running for women and girls who can't because they are trapped in slavery and prostitution. After the run I kept thinking about those girls trapped in bondage and I started praying for them.
I decided that every time I ran I was going to pray for one girl to be set free from bondage. I don't know what God will do with that prayer, but I'm going to pray it anyway. Nothing may happen, except that I'll work off some Reese's cups. But then again, maybe He'll multiply my prayers. Woudn't that be amazing?
My goal is to run 100 times this year. That's 100 girls if He answers it that way! And I have to say, it is a lot more motivating to run now that I feel like there is something to gain with each and every run.
I'm going to keep track on the side bar of how many runs I do in 2013.
Want to join me? Let me know if you're interested. I'd love to know I have some company!
If not, shouts of encouragement are always welcome! :)
Friday, October 5, 2012
Loving Without Being Loved Back
It is amazing to me how God is so preparing my heart for the adoption of our little guy.
This summer brought on challenges and opportunities we weren't expecting - one of which was having a girl we have known for several years come live with us.
Having her in our home brought on so many lessons that will absolutely apply to our adoption - so many so that I sometimes wonder if Little Guy will get here sooner than we are anticipating. That, and we know a lot of people who are praying for that very thing.
God gave me a heart for this girl, who lived with us, in January when her mother passed away suddenly. You hear of adoptive families saying they knew their child was theirs as soon as they laid eyes on them. I obviously did not have that experience with this girl because she had a mother, a woman I greatly enjoyed being with.
After this girl's mom passed away I felt like God have me a mother's heart for her. I've never experienced anything like that and it was a lot of what led me to believe that we could actually adopt. I just couldn't imagine before that how I could love any other child as I do the ones I bore.
But, nothing happened at that point. A different person became her guardian, leading me to wonder what in the world that was all about. We learned of a housing need of hers while over the summer and at the beginning of August she came to stay with us.
The joys and challenges of having someone live with you started almost immediately and we're still working through the bonding of that and wondering what the future will hold.
It is such an awkward time to enter someone's life in a quasi authoritarian role. We don't have the background with her to ask her to do something and have her understand our motives or even our dynamics and how things just simply work in our home. And although God gave me a mother's heart for her, He didn't necessarily give her a "daughter's heart" for us.
What do you do with that?
I keep struggling with my role in her life and I feel like I keep being asked, "How much do I love you?"
How much does HE love me? When I don't feel like loving Him back. When I don't like the rules He puts in my life. When I doubt that He even loves me.
He LOVES me no matter what.
And I am supposed to do the same. I am supposed to love others, to love her, no matter what their response is to me, no matter what role I have in their lives, no matter what the future holds. Just keep loving.
So, as much as I want things to be black and white, and as much as I want to be loved in return, this is one of those situations where I just can't expect that.
Thank you, Jesus, for loving me. Help me to love like You do.
This summer brought on challenges and opportunities we weren't expecting - one of which was having a girl we have known for several years come live with us.
Having her in our home brought on so many lessons that will absolutely apply to our adoption - so many so that I sometimes wonder if Little Guy will get here sooner than we are anticipating. That, and we know a lot of people who are praying for that very thing.
God gave me a heart for this girl, who lived with us, in January when her mother passed away suddenly. You hear of adoptive families saying they knew their child was theirs as soon as they laid eyes on them. I obviously did not have that experience with this girl because she had a mother, a woman I greatly enjoyed being with.
After this girl's mom passed away I felt like God have me a mother's heart for her. I've never experienced anything like that and it was a lot of what led me to believe that we could actually adopt. I just couldn't imagine before that how I could love any other child as I do the ones I bore.
But, nothing happened at that point. A different person became her guardian, leading me to wonder what in the world that was all about. We learned of a housing need of hers while over the summer and at the beginning of August she came to stay with us.
The joys and challenges of having someone live with you started almost immediately and we're still working through the bonding of that and wondering what the future will hold.
It is such an awkward time to enter someone's life in a quasi authoritarian role. We don't have the background with her to ask her to do something and have her understand our motives or even our dynamics and how things just simply work in our home. And although God gave me a mother's heart for her, He didn't necessarily give her a "daughter's heart" for us.
What do you do with that?
I keep struggling with my role in her life and I feel like I keep being asked, "How much do I love you?"
How much does HE love me? When I don't feel like loving Him back. When I don't like the rules He puts in my life. When I doubt that He even loves me.
He LOVES me no matter what.
And I am supposed to do the same. I am supposed to love others, to love her, no matter what their response is to me, no matter what role I have in their lives, no matter what the future holds. Just keep loving.
So, as much as I want things to be black and white, and as much as I want to be loved in return, this is one of those situations where I just can't expect that.
Thank you, Jesus, for loving me. Help me to love like You do.
"This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." – 1 John 4:9-11
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Eb and Flow
You know, last year, when I prayed for life to be uncomfortable - for the sake of Christ - I didn't know what that meant.
I didn't know that would mean seeing a mother die before her children were ready to have her go.
I didn't know that would mean my heart breaking for those children and welcoming one of them into our home.
I didn't know how confused I would feel in that role. How my black and white world would became so very gray.
I think I'm messing it up. I don't want to. I want to do so well here. I want to provide security and stability for this girl. I want her to know that I love her with no strings attached.
But, my issues are so in the way, particularly the issue of wanting so desperately to understand where I stand and how long I'm going to stand there. I have forgotten that while Jesus loves me, so dearly loves me, so much more than I love and adore any of my children, biological or no, He does it knowing that I will eb and flow away from Him. That sometimes the very security He provides will make me want to rebel.
Oh, how I love Him for standing beside me. When I'm messing everything up, He's there. When I'm the last example of Christ that anyone would look toward, He is there.
I pray that He will work in this area of my life beyond where I can work at all - that if I could say all the right words and have all the right expectations and set all the right boundaries, that His love and His work would still surpass mine. That I will stand firm despite the eb and flow that are supposed to occur here because I am following His example of love.
Thank You, Jesus.
I didn't know that would mean seeing a mother die before her children were ready to have her go.
I didn't know that would mean my heart breaking for those children and welcoming one of them into our home.
I didn't know how confused I would feel in that role. How my black and white world would became so very gray.
I think I'm messing it up. I don't want to. I want to do so well here. I want to provide security and stability for this girl. I want her to know that I love her with no strings attached.
But, my issues are so in the way, particularly the issue of wanting so desperately to understand where I stand and how long I'm going to stand there. I have forgotten that while Jesus loves me, so dearly loves me, so much more than I love and adore any of my children, biological or no, He does it knowing that I will eb and flow away from Him. That sometimes the very security He provides will make me want to rebel.
Oh, how I love Him for standing beside me. When I'm messing everything up, He's there. When I'm the last example of Christ that anyone would look toward, He is there.
I pray that He will work in this area of my life beyond where I can work at all - that if I could say all the right words and have all the right expectations and set all the right boundaries, that His love and His work would still surpass mine. That I will stand firm despite the eb and flow that are supposed to occur here because I am following His example of love.
Thank You, Jesus.
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