It's funny. I haven't written in almost two months, but when I opened this blog up, the last post I wrote about was seeing things dimly. I'm still feeling that way, although now I can see back, even dimly, to the potential purpose of what was behind this summer.
This has been one of the hardest times in our marriage - this summer. It has seemed like every single issue we have had for the past 11 years has come right to the forefront. Not because we were looking for it or because those same issues came up again, but it sincerely felt like God was dragging them up out of no where, handing them to us and saying, "Here. Work on this. I want it gone."
What has bothered me about all of this is the why. Why is this coming up now? Why do we have to hurt over this again? Why can't we just be happy right now? I thought things were okay.
But, God needed Husband and I to get to a place we weren't prepared for and He did that by weeding out that which would have only entangled us in the last few weeks.
I'm grateful for that, but I'm not exactly excited to go through it again. Because I know it will happen again. There is always something that needs weeded out of my life. I truly see my sin always before me lately and I have a feeling that isn't going to stop - mostly because I keep asking Him to help me know what He wants in my life. And I think He'll keep answering.
I feel as though your prayers in our lives are so needed right now. I feel vulnerable to what might come next and scared that I won't be able to handle it.
At the same time, I'm thankful to know that He is there. He is present and He gives me what I need exactly when I need it. I know He is faithful, even when I doubt Him, even when things are hard. And I'm grateful.
