When we first started the dossier process a friend of mine told me to be ready for surprises.
What? The dossier part is supposed to be very straight forward and simple. You have to wait on things, but we had a beautiful list to check off as things happened.
I kept myself organized with a binder and notecard system, checking things off and arranging note cards based on what had happened and needed to happen.
Thing that needed to happen - date applied for that thing - when it was mailed, notarized and complete. Straight forward right?
Yep.
Until we had our water checked and had to shock our well. What??
And until our clearances were lost between issue and notarization.
And when our fingerprints were lost in the mail.
And when I drove the wrong thing 10 hours to be certified, just to have to go back the following week to do it again.
Surprises.
But, a surprise I didn't expect was the spiritual attack we would experience through the process.
Every time something significant was to happen with our dossier something would come up in our home to throw a major wrench in things. That was very unexpected.
Every little thing that has ever been an issue in the last 11 years of our marriage has reared its ugly head in the last few months. That has been the hardest part. Just when Husband and I should be working together it felt like we were being torn apart. That was very unexpected.
When you look at adoption timelines, people kind of breeze past the dossier part. That could be completely legitimate. I've heard pretty much all bad things about the next part of this process - the endless waiting. But this has been challenging in its own right.
I didn't expect to relive my past, but autobiographies and home studies will do that to you - and put it on paper. As much as I've/we've done to work through all the things that have needed worked on, when it comes up again, it's still difficult to experience and it almost feels like you're going through those parts of life again that you wish you could forget.
I'm grateful though. Grateful that its out of our hands at the time being. I know my desire for control is only going to want to have it back in my hands in the next few months, but for now I'm thankful to be able to think about ANYTHING other than the dossier and what I need to be doing with it. I'm grateful for that sense of relief.
