The Jesus Fund

One of the ideas that came out of reading Radical for our family was "The Jesus Fund."

You know all those commercials that say, "Hey, if you skipped this cup of coffee every day you could sponsor a child!"

And then you know how we all ignore it?

For me, it just isn't concrete enough. Sure I could skip that cup of coffee (tea in my case), but I would just go ahead and spend the money on something else just as unnecessary.

Enter the Jesus Fund. Because I like concreteness.

Now, when I make volitional choices to pass up the purchases I would usually spend money on that I really don't need to be spending money on, I keep track.

Quicken is a beautiful thing. It has helped us really keep track of where our money is going and has helped us allot our money to where we want it to be going and not just where we're spending it.

Quicken has this great feature in which you can "save" money and make an account for it without actually having a separate bank account. They are termed "savings plans".

Well, now Jesus has His own plan.

When we skip out on a regular purchase, we "transfer" money from our checking account to our Jesus fund. We're going to pray about where that money should go as it increases. For now we're just keeping track and seeing what that change looks like.

You get to be my accountability partners and see what is changing in our spending and how quickly this adds up. Part of me wants it to add up fast and part of me knows I'll be ashamed of how excessively I want to spend our money as I watch it add up.

Stay tuned.

PS - If you decide to start a Jesus fund, let me know. I want to be watching you too. :)

photo credit

Cleaning It Out

A friend of mine introduced me to Jen Hatmaker and her radical book, 7.

I started reading it on Wednesday and today I started making concrete changes as a result of the convictions it has prompted in me.

I say convictions and not guilt because guilt is not driving the decisions I'm making. My hunger for Christ-likeness is leading the charge. Finally!

We have an ENORMOUS pantry in our kitchen, including three massive shelves that span about 6 feet in length each. And it is full.

I called the kids into the kitchen with me tonight and talked to them about what many kids in Haiti have right now. Rice and beans. Two things. I pulled out a container of rice and a can of beans and set it on the floor. I told the kids, "If I handed this much food to a kiddo in Haiti right now they would think it was Christmas."

My kids jaws actually dropped.

I explained to them that I had been learning new things about how God wants us to live and how we were going to change as a result of that. Change number 1? Going through our things. Seeing what all we have, taking stock, disposing of the expired items, giving away that which is good but we won't use and making a plan for the items we have. We cleaned out 1/3 of the pantry. Not our cupboards. Not our refrigerator. Not our freezers. (Yes, more than 1 freezer.) Merely 1/3 of our pantry. We pulled out 120 items.

120!

Tonight I am not okay with that. I made a list of meals I'm going to make this week with many of those items. Why do I possibly need to go grocery shopping with that many things in 1/3 of my pantry?

Our new rule in the house is we don't buy food to replace other food until the first thing is gone. Don't want the snacks we have? Well, we can get new ones when these ones are gone.

Your thoughts? How many things do you have in your pantry?

No Where Else To Go

"So Jesus said to them, 'Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood, you have no life in yourselves.'.....

As a result of this many of His disciples withdrew and were not walking with Him anymore. So Jesus said to the twelve, “You do not want to go away also, do you?” Simon Peter answered Him, 'Lord, to whom shall we go?'" John 6



A dear friend of ours is dying today and none of it makes sense - the abruptness, the youth, the girls she will be leaving behind, the tragedy of what she has faced in the last few years alone, let alone combining it with this?!? No sense.

Eating Jesus' flesh, drinking His blood? An outrageous, incomprehensible statement from the One who knows all to a group who wishes they understood, even a little.

But when faced with the decision - accept or leave - His disciples stay. Peter stays. Because, truly, where else is there to go?

There is no gestalt of what it means. No true understanding behind what Jesus is saying for the disciples, but they continue to wait with and watch Him, hoping that at some point it will all make sense, and knowing there is NO where else to go.

Looking head on at the tragedy of our friend's passing, the incomprehensibility it presents and the pain involved, we face a similar choice. Accept and wait and watch for Him or walk away.

Her daughters choose to believe. Choose to wait and hope that somewhere in the beyond His plan will become clearer. Choose to enter in the hurt with Him because there is no where else to go.

Even in this confusion He makes the most sense, He offers the greatest hope and He carries the pain alongside.

There is no where else to go.

Short Term Tunnel Vision

Here's how I operate.....

If it isn't happening in 2 months, it isn't happening. EVER.

About a month ago my husband and I started talking about going to Haiti with Help End Local Poverty. We were able to speak with Chris (from HELP) on the phone the a couple days ago and while we had considered going on a trip with them in June, it became clear that their February trip was more appropriate for us because they were going to be vision casting for fighting human trafficking in Haiti. RIGHT up my alley!

I thought it might work. Husband was scheduled to work, but only 4 days so we thought it wouldn't be terribly difficult to switch. I was sure I could find child care.

Nope. None of that happened. And the more we tried, the more complicated it seemed to get.

So we're not going.

And that means everything else is on hold.

We wanted to go to Haiti as we consider adoption - to see if there is a need for adoption and if Haiti is a country we could see ourselves investing in and spending a significant amount of time in because of our child.

But now there isn't anything on the radar and I don't know what is going to happen.

So, I'm back to radical waiting.

Radical Waiting

The process from dating to engagement was not what you'd call "happy" in my relationship with my husband. I pushed beyond what I ever should have for that "final decision" and have lived to regret it even these years later. Not because we made the wrong decision, but it was made in the wrong way.

Have you ever heard that history repeats itself?

Well, it's repeating itself.

I'm ready for something my husband is not ready for. I'm ready to make a decision, even though I feel a lack of peace in my heart. So, I guess I'm not ready, I just want to take the weight of indecision off.

He's not ready at all to make any decision in the direction I want him to.

So, instead of letting the tension continue to mount, I'm going to step back.

And wait.

And today that is the most radical thing I can do.

Can you relate? Have you ever chosen to push ahead even when you didn't feel peaceful? Or have you waited? Please share your experience.

Radical

Just want to share with you why the book we're reading is more than likely going to change our lives. Have you read it?

Considering Adoption

A year ago adoption was no where near our radar. I mean NO where near.

But events and circumstances of the last month or so have made it very much ON the radar now.

But its so confusing and hard to know what to think. Especially when you're a fearful person like me.

When I found out I was pregnant with our kids I was thrilled - for one whole day. And then the fears started creeping in.

• What if I never get to sleep again?
• What if I miscarry?
• What if my children have special needs?
• What will happen to my marriage?

On and on......

When I think of adoption I really want to do it. The time span from joy to fear is faster though depending on the day. The adoption fears go something more like this......

• What if I never get to sleep again? (Can you tell sleep is a priority to me?)
• What if it doesn't work out and I've invested myself emotionally and financially?
• What if I can't handle the special needs of our new child?
• How will our biological children handle it? (See, I'm learning the lingo, even!)
• What will happen to my marriage?
• Will I love them anywhere near as much as I love my biological children?
• What will I be completely floored by?
• What if I can't love them like they deserve to be loved? I mean, I love my kids, but I am a broken, flawed, selfish person.

There is so much to consider. Ultimately though is the question, is this something God has for us? Does He want us to adopt? Because just like He answered all those questions and fears I had about our biological children, I believe He will answer the questions and fears about our adoptive child/ren if that is what He has for us.

And I know I just have to wait on this one.

Here's hoping I don't have a nervous breakdown in the process.