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Wednesday, April 15, 2015

It has been a long time since I have posted about how we are and I just wanted to follow up because I exploded my Facebook news feed for cries of help a couple of months ago.

We reached about our 4th breaking point in February. I have never felt that low in my life. The hopelessness of the thoughts of dealing with a violent child for the rest of our lives in addition to the loneliness we were experiencing was overwhelming. But, soon after, new help and hope started appearing. And it has made a huge difference.

Little Guy has good days. He is not nearly as aggressive as he was. This past week he spit and hit and kicked, but it had been weeks since he had done that last. He is starting to learn English and speak more, which is so helpful. Last night he went off the deep end and I was feeling helpless to know what to do. In times like that I pray for wisdom (if I remember to.) I prayed and asked for help to know what to do and hes said, "hungry!" That was his "trigger". He was hungry and was flipping out because of that.

 His insecurities are becoming easier to pick up on. We are noticing more when they are happening, how they are happening. Having that education helps. We had no clue about any of that before he came home. He can read people like you wouldn't believe. He wants to be the center of attention. He gets really hyperactive. But, we understand now a bit more about what is behind those things. They are not normal 3 year old things. I don't know how to explain it, except to say, there is a feeling where we know it is different - that it is stemming from some insecurity or fear he is experiencing. If we can figure it out and address that fear - and he can bring his brain to a point where he can listen - he calms down. He changes somehow. It gets exhausting thinking through it all sometimes. He has now been with us for 9 months and he still doesn't trust that he's not going to be neglected or abandoned or hungry without resolution. And that gets tough for all of us because of the way those fears manifest themselves.

I am finding myself at a place where I am starting to feel more normal again. Starting to think about reaching out again. Sometimes that lasts for a bit and then has to stop, for whatever reason. I was telling Justin the other night that there just hasn't been room for superficial or light or casual relationships so much in the past 9 months. There has simply been no "give" for relationships that couldn't be "muddy", so to speak and that is okay, I hope. I think life/God gives us those seasons for a purpose.

 So, we are in a much better place than we were a couple of months ago. Thank you all, so much, for standing with us in this. We are so grateful for each and every one of you.