A year ago adoption was no where near our radar. I mean NO where near.
But events and circumstances of the last month or so have made it very much ON the radar now.
But its so confusing and hard to know what to think. Especially when you're a fearful person like me.
When I found out I was pregnant with our kids I was thrilled - for one whole day. And then the fears started creeping in.
- What if I never get to sleep again?
- What if I miscarry?
- What if my children have special needs?
- What will happen to my marriage?
On and on......
When I think of adoption I really want to do it. The time span from joy to fear is faster though depending on the day. The adoption fears go something more like this......
- What if I never get to sleep again? (Can you tell sleep is a priority to me?)
- What if it doesn't work out and I've invested myself emotionally and financially?
- What if I can't handle the special needs of our new child?
- How will our biological children handle it? (See, I'm learning the lingo, even!)
- What will happen to my marriage?
- Will I love them anywhere near as much as I love my biological children?
- What will I be completely floored by?
- What if I can't love them like they deserve to be loved? I mean, I love my kids, but I am a broken, flawed, selfish person.
There is so much to consider. Ultimately though is the question, is this something God has for us? Does He want us to adopt? Because just like He answered all those questions and fears I had about our biological children, I believe He will answer the questions and fears about our adoptive child/ren if that is what He has for us.
And I know I just have to wait on this one.
Here's hoping I don't have a nervous breakdown in the process.
