Adoption Update

That's kind of misleading because there is nothing to update.

We received word a few weeks ago that our dossier is still sitting in IBESR.  It will be 4 months on the 14th.  We were also told that when it leaves IBESR and goes to the President's desk, we should anticipate waiting 6 months for his signature before we will exit IBESR.  And we should anticipate at least a year more of the "process" after our dossier exists IBESR.  We're hoping we won't be any longer than 21 months from now, but I'm getting worried about that timeline.

Things feel fuzzy.  And kind of like I'm in a river.  There are times when the adoption doesn't cross my mind a whole lot.  There are times it doesn't feel real at all.  And then there are times when it simply aches.  It all seems to go in waves.

It has amazed me how much our kiddos have encouraged my heart through the process.  The girls tell everyone and their mothers about Little Guy, especially Girly Girl, who is sure Little Guy is going to get here exactly when her teacher is due with her baby.  :)  Mr. Man doesn't really say anything about him.  To him, Little Guy is just a little boy in an orphanage in a third world country.  It's not personal.  But today I got a text from a mom of one of his friends who asked if we were adopting because her son told her Mr. Man had told him.  Such a blessing that was to hear.  And she was so encouraging.  At this point just having someone mention it helps.

So, we keep waiting and I keep looking forward to the 14th of every month.  The 14th is a landmark to me - each and every month.  It signifies the anniversary of when we received our referral and the anniversary of when we entered IBESR.   Every time we get to the 14th of a month I am grateful.  We're almost to 4 months in to IBESR.  Hopefully less than 1/3 of the way through this part of the process.

Please keep your prayers up for us and our Little Guy.  We appreciate them!

Save One with Every Run

Purpose has been a driving force in my life since the time I was 10.  I remember turning 10, thinking I was old, and wondering what in the world I was here for.  (Yes, I'm a little bit dramatic.)

Since that time I've been looking for purpose in my life.

Over the summer I participated in a fun run and I thought I was to die on the course.  No joke.  Turns out 97 degrees, high humidity and one non-hydrating cup of caffeinated tea before hand, along with no prior history of running do not make a good combination.

After that run, that is now an annual commitment, I made a resolution.  I decided that I was not going to suck that bad at running it next year!  I started to do the couch to 5K program and after 27 runs I started to almost enjoy running. 


But, while making a resolution "not to suck" might be a good reason to run for a time, I've been looking for purpose in it.  I wanted a purpose every time I ran, not just during an occasional race. 

My first (and only run to date) was a 5K benefiting International Justice Mission.  The purpose of the run was to raise money while running for women and girls who can't because they are trapped in slavery and prostitution.  After the run I kept thinking about those girls trapped in bondage and I started praying for them. 

I decided that every time I ran I was going to pray for one girl to be set free from bondage.  I don't know what God will do with that prayer, but I'm going to pray it anyway.  Nothing may happen, except that I'll work off some Reese's cups.  But then again, maybe He'll multiply my prayers.  Woudn't that be amazing? 

My goal is to run 100 times this year.  That's 100 girls if He answers it that way!  And I have to say, it is a lot more motivating to run now that I feel like there is something to gain with each and every run. 

I'm going to keep track on the side bar of how many runs I do in 2013. 

Want to join me?  Let me know if you're interested.  I'd love to know I have some company!

If not, shouts of encouragement are always welcome!  :)

Loving Without Being Loved Back

It is amazing to me how God is so preparing my heart for the adoption of our little guy.

This summer brought on challenges and opportunities we weren't expecting - one of which was having a girl we have known for several years come live with us.

Having her in our home brought on so many lessons that will absolutely apply to our adoption - so many so that I sometimes wonder if Little Guy will get here sooner than we are anticipating.  That, and we know a lot of people who are praying for that very thing.

God gave me a heart for this girl, who lived with us, in January when her mother passed away suddenly.  You hear of adoptive families saying they knew their child was theirs as soon as they laid eyes on them.  I obviously did not have that experience with this girl because she had a mother, a woman I greatly enjoyed being with. 

After this girl's mom passed away I felt like God have me a mother's heart for her.  I've never experienced anything like that and it was a lot of what led me to believe that we could actually adopt.  I just couldn't imagine before that how I could love any other child as I do the ones I bore.

But, nothing happened at that point.  A different person became her guardian, leading me to wonder what in the world that was all about.  We learned of a housing need of hers while over the summer and at the beginning of August she came to stay with us.

The joys and challenges of having someone live with you started almost immediately and we're still working through the bonding of that and wondering what the future will hold.

It is such an awkward time to enter someone's life in a quasi authoritarian role.  We don't have the background with her to ask her to do something and have her understand our motives or even our dynamics and how things just simply work in our home.  And although God gave me a mother's heart for her, He didn't necessarily give her a "daughter's heart" for us.

What do you do with that?

I keep struggling with my role in her life and I feel like I keep being asked, "How much do I love you?"

How much does HE love me?  When I don't feel like loving Him back.  When I don't like the rules He puts in my life.  When I doubt that He even loves me. 

He LOVES me no matter what.

And I am supposed to do the same.  I am supposed to love others, to love her, no matter what their response is to me, no matter what role I have in their lives, no matter what the future holds.  Just keep loving.

So, as much as I want things to be black and white, and as much as I want to be loved in return, this is one of those situations where I just can't expect that.

Thank you, Jesus, for loving me.  Help me to love like You do.

"This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." – 1 John 4:9-11

Eb and Flow

You know, last year, when I prayed for life to be uncomfortable - for the sake of Christ - I didn't know what that meant.

I didn't know that would mean seeing a mother die before her children were ready to have her go.

I didn't know that would mean my heart breaking for those children and welcoming one of them into our home.

I didn't know how confused I would feel in that role.  How my black and white world would became so very gray.

I think I'm messing it up.  I don't want to.  I want to do so well here.  I want to provide security and stability for this girl.  I want her to know that I love her with no strings attached.

But, my issues are so in the way, particularly the issue of wanting so desperately to understand where I stand and how long I'm going to stand there.  I have forgotten that while Jesus loves me, so dearly loves me, so much more than I love and adore any of my children, biological or no, He does it knowing that I will eb and flow away from Him.  That sometimes the very security He provides will make me want to rebel.

Oh, how I love Him for standing beside me.  When I'm messing everything up, He's there.  When I'm the last example of Christ that anyone would look toward, He is there.

I pray that He will work in this area of my life beyond where I can work at all - that if I could say all the right words and have all the right expectations and set all the right boundaries, that His love and His work would still surpass mine.  That I will stand firm despite the eb and flow that are supposed to occur here because I am following His example of love.

Thank You, Jesus.

Faith On a Different Plane

I love the new song by Plumb, "Need You Now".

I heard, or thought, or something of the reflecting and remembering the times when God has been there for me.  Landmarks in my faith, so to speak.

The last year has brought on a different level of faith for me - one that I hadn't experienced before and one that I am so grateful for.  My faith feels real.  I have longed for that for a long time.

This summer was very emotional for our family.  Thankfully, at the moment, we seem to be in a period of rest.  And I was thinking as I listened to Plumb's song, of how now would be a good time to remember God's goodness in my life.

Take a listen here.

Giving Him Glory

Our prayers, YOUR prayers were answered!

A couple of weeks ago I told you I didn't think our dossier would make it into IBESR (Haiti's child welfare agency) before the September 15 deadline.

We've been asking God to let it happen.  Despite the fact that there is no reason whatsoever that He should show any favor toward us.  Despite the fact that it seemed impossible.  Despite my very own fear that He wouldn't answer our prayers and I wouldn't know how to process it, I asked.  Our children asked.  And we reached out to you and asked you to ask Him on our behalf.

2 weeks ago our dossier left our agency in Colorado.  They told us it would take a week or two to get to Haiti.  4 days later, over Labor Day weekend, our dossier made it to our orphanage in Haiti.  Then it had to go through first legalization - a process that takes two to four weeks.  Done in one week.  From the time our dossier made it to Haiti until the time it got into IBESR, only 10 days elapsed.  Friends, that is a miracle!

On September 14, one singular day before the scheduled close, our dossier made it into IBESR.

There is so much that is hard about adoption, no matter which adoption path you choose.  There's grief and waiting and heartache.  It just goes with the territory.  And when something joyful happens - something that encourages your heart to know that HE sees and works in our lives, we can't do anything but rejoice.

I said if we made it in to IBESR before the cut off that I would give God the glory because there would truly be no other explanation.  And that is what I'm here to do tonight.

Thank You, God, for getting us through to this next step.  And thank you, friends, for standing beside us.  We know you are supporting us and we can't wait to share with Little Guy just how you stood beside us through this process - how you advocated for him to the only One who really has any control over this process at all.

To Him be the glory tonight.

Maybe....

Last week I shared with you that I didn't think we were going to make the September 15 deadline when Haiti again stops taking dossiers.

Now it looks like that may not be exactly true.

Our dossier is there already.  It was shipped on Friday - and it got to our orphanage yesterday.    Man, this process makes me cry a lot!  Today, the tears are happy and hopeful.  That's a good thing!

Now our dossier goes through first legalization in Haiti, which should take a week or two.  Once it comes out and Little Guy's dossier is finished they become one and go into IBESR.  That's where we need to get before September 15.

It still seems next to impossible, but we're praying anyway.  We have no idea how much of Little Guy's dossier has been finished or when it will be done.  Please pray with us!!

Why is this a prayer request for us?

• The sooner our file gets into IBESR, the sooner Little Guy gets to come home.
• It will save us $200, which would be awesome!
• We will still be able to work with our agency and orphanage, no matter what the new laws and changes are.
• We won't have to wait to see if IBESR opens back up on October 1.  Last time they closed on April 24 and were reset to open on June 1, which became August 14.
• It would just be a huge relief for us.

Thank you for being with us through this process, friends!