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Friday, January 16, 2015

Reactive Attachment Disorder Diagnosis

Yesterday, Little Guy was diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). This is a diagnosis in which the child will seem fine, charming even, to outsiders, but in the home, it is very different. There is a lack of conscience, an inability to attach to the family who is trying to attach to him because of the MANY times he has been abandoned in life in his 3 short years. So, he basically has learned that he needs to be protective of himself, times a million, to survive. And who he needs to protect himself from is us. Instead of attaching, he pushes and resists. To do that, he spits, yells, hits, kicks and tries to hurt us.

When we met with the counselor yesterday, I told her this was my fault. I was having a hard time attaching to him. I was resisting him. She looked at me, in grace, and told me that it wasn't my fault. Hiss diagnosis was the fault of all of those who had abandoned him before us. That we had made progress with him. That we were doing a good job. She also told me that he is triggering my own trauma and abuse from my past and causing additional trauma to me at this point, with his actions.
With all of that, she encouraged me to go to a counselor to learn how to address how he is triggering me, that Little Guy and I should continue to go to counseling together on an outpatient basis and that Little Guy, Husband and I should do 2 weeks of intensive family therapy - 3 hour days, for 2 straight weeks (with a 2 day break in between the 12 days).

When we heard all of that, when it began to sink in just how long this road might be - she said he may need help his whole life - and we were already feeling so alone (me, in particular), I felt so desperate. I don't think I can do this without support. I know I have Christ. But, I need people, too. And, it just keeps reminding me of how disconnected we all are, despite all of this "connection media". I just don't think we are alone in how we feel.

I have forgotten when I shouldn't have. I have not paid much attention to things that were crazy hard because I had no clue how crazy hard it was.  This information is a cry out to you, our supporters and friends, and a cry for those who are in all of our lives who feel alone in their waters, too.

Please know that sharing all of this with you is very difficult and vulnerable for me.

Thank you for loving us, relating to us. I'm so grateful.